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OOM 



fo>0)evB3f2too& 




Chuck Full of Hilarity, Ridicule, Biting Sarcasm; Jazzy, 
Snappy, Jokes and Red Hot Editorials of TRUTH 



COPYRIGHTED 1*11 BY M. C, CHUBCMILU 



INVITATION 



All my Rood friends and followers ire invited to Mod In articles on the best war to make a 
flrst-olaas Ball on earth and elsewhere. 

I extend a special invitation to preachers, priests, bootleggers and "honest lawyers. " Articles 
are wanted that are full of "pep": red hot and with a good kick behind them. For such we 
will give free pases to the lower regions, and peesibly something else. (Don't take the Devil's 
word for anything.) But. if you want your manuscript returned (if not available), please enclose 
stamps or I will add it to my little furnace to keep things hot. for after the winter we haaa had 
I am afraid to let the fire to out for fear that we will have another like it next Winter kttd 
someone might get "cold feet" and stop working for 

•TBE pEVlL." 



-GLOOM- 



They met and spooned in the same old way 

Down on the shore of the sea; 
She was a movie queen, so ran her tale, 

While a retired banker was he. 

Then at the counter in the five and ten, 

She stood, and her eyes took a vacant stare. 

As he asked to be shown some cotton hose 
At twenty-five a pair. 

o LOO m 

Why are Mary's ankles so thick, asked a bystander as the 
1 7-year-old daughter of a friend passed by. Why, Mary's old 
man bought her a pair of shoes that were too roomy at the 
top, so in order to keep them from rubbing Mary's ankles he 
stuffed them full of hay to take up the slack — 

The calves came down to eat the hay and never did go back. 

G LOO M 

S. Perkins, to son who has been to city: 
Well, me boy, how do you like the city? Find any good 
looking flappers? 

Oh yes, dad, its great. For 50c you can get smiles. For a 
dollar you can get kisses and for $2.00 "you'd be surprised." 



GLOOM 

BOOK No. 2 

Written by "The Devil" 

Published by 

THE GLOOM PUBLISHING COMPANY 



230 Court St. 












Los Angeles, California 


M. 

\v. 


C. 
C. 


CHURCHILL 
DELZELL 












Editor and Author 
Business Manager 






25c Per Copy 
For Sale 


on 


All News 


Stands 


and B 


$2.50 Per Year 
ook Stores 



NOTICE TO SINNERS AND SAINTS 
GLOOM will be issued monthly, but instead of carrying the date or the month will be issued 
in numbers. This is Book No. 2. The contents of this number will not go out of date, and those 
who wish to follow the writings of- "The Devil" should begin with Book No. 1 and not miss an 
issue, for if you do miss a number it might contain sonio Instructions Intended just for you. 
If your dealer cannot supply you with No. 1, it will he sent upon receipt of price direct from pub- 
lishers. Subscriptions may sun from any date. Please, follow this plan. It Is important. 

"THK DEVIL." 




THE KOO KOO KLAMS 

The Koo Koo Klams was rightly named as far as the clam is 
concerned and if the people that join it were not Koo Koo at 



GLOOM 



the time they soon will be. 

Down in the south wc had a similar organization which 
existed after the war between the states and that war was a 
little scheme of my own. It cost you boobs several hundred 
thousand lives to say nothing of the hardships. Well this K.K.K. 
organization that existed shortly after the war was caused by 
the failure of officials to protect the interests of the people and 
enforce the law. Graft and crookedness existed in every state 
in the south and it seems that the people had to take the law 
into their own hands. The organization as a body did not last 
but its influence is felt even unto this day. 

So after the last great war 1 figured that it would take the 
people some time to settle down, so 1 talked to a few of my old- 
time strong supporters and told them how they could clean up 
a bunch of money with a little organization among the officials 
of each town. 

So i called a little meeting, officers were elected and we hired 
organizers. First I had the organizers go right to the chief of 
police, the judges and the most important men in each com- 
munity and it was hinted in a very strong way that if there was 
any rascality going on in the community here was a good way 
to cover up their own crimes and throw the people off by 
assaulting innocent victims. 

Ye Gods! 1 cannot help laughing at your boasted civiliza- 
tion. 

In Texas and other states they dragged women out of their 
homes, gave them a coat of tar and feathers and left them half 
dead, and I'll venture to say that 70 per cent of that sniveling 
bunch get down on their bended knees and ask their Lord to 
guide them directly through the pearly gates of Heaven. 

I want to see the color of the man's hair that is good enough 
to tar and feather any woman who has committed no greater 
sin that continuing the practice that some man started her in. 
There are men and women going about casting scornful glances 



GLOOM 



and hurling bitter words at the women of the streets who are 
no better. Only position and money has kept the black shame 
from covering them, but underneath, their heart and mind is as 
black as the deepest pits of Hell. 

The Koo Koo Klams have set out a job for themselves of 
cleansing the world. Ha! Ha! 

There is a line or two in your wonderful book you prize so 
highly: 

Just get the mote out of your own eye. 

Judge not lest ye be judged, and 

He that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone. 

Now, you fellows of the script, put that in your pipe and 
smoke it. 

There are those kind of Christians in the hottest corner of 
Hell, and a lot more of them have a one-way ticket. All 
aboard, "the next train leaves in a few minutes." 

THE DEVIL. 

G LOO M 



MY GASTRONOMIC GOAL 

By MERVAL O'MEARA 

Alas, it has not been my fate to mingle with the rich and great, 
nor dine at sumptuous banquet boards — quite frugal fare my purse af- 
fords. Yet would I hoard for many years, bedew my crusts with briny 
tears, e'en on the lowly doughnut line, nor worry when my coat sleeves 
shine. For I'll amass a goodly pile, say in a dozen years, then I'll trot 
blithely from my humble shack, dragging my savings in a sack, and 
hie me to a cafe grand. The chief, with lordly waving hand will send 
a waiter to my chair; I'll eye him with a haughty stare and sternly 
say, "The menu, please!", then order right from soup to cheese, with 
wondrous drinks to quench my thirst. I will not read the price side 
first on this one night of dreams come true. I'll have enough to see it 
through. My bill I'll pay, the waiter fee with last remaining sou 
marquee, leaving as I stride to the door, my empty sack upon the floor. 



GLOOM 



PALE NEAR BEER'S RIDE 

(Apologies to Longfellow) 

Listen, my children, and you shall hear 

Of the wonderful ride of Pale Near Beer. 

'T was the year Nineteen-seventeen that started the drive 

That run out the saloon (King Alcohol's dive). 

But Alcohol has been with us every year. 

Now Near Beer said to his friend John Barleycorn: 
If these soda water fiends start tbelr march in the morn'. 
We will kick up a rumpus on land and sea, 
And we'll well know whether soda, or I, the King, will be. 
So John you keep "still," I will give the alarm 
To every middle-sex, man or marm. 
So that none of our Hootch will come to harm. 

So he said good night and with muffled roar 

Drove his Lizzie as never before. 

Just as Lady Moon, who on her back lay, 

She thought It would be dry for many a day. 

And she smiled down on Maud Muller who sang her song, 

For she thought that Maud would not sing long. 

Meanwhile our friends through alley and street 

Wander and watch with eager ear, 

Until in the "still" silence around them hear 

The muffled tread that sounds so sweet 

Of a Bootlegger coming down the street. 

Then the bootlegger climbed to the dome of an abandoned church 

And startled the "peace doves" from their perch, 

And listened to "still" voices far and near, 

As they answered the call of Pale Near Beer. 

And he gathered about him all his clan 

And said, keep your "Still" running as much as you can. 

So through the night rode Pale Near Beer, 

So through the Night went his cry of alarm, 

To every middle-sex, man and marm, 

A cry of defiance, and not of fear: 

A "Still" in the bushes, a knock at the door 



GLOOM 



Will bring you your "Hootch" the same as before. 
For the "Belly Wash" sold over the bar, Is only a Blind 
To Keep The Pig GOING, so never mind. 

But the warning, given on that night, 

Has put many a booze fighter out of sight. 

So, if you must have "white mule," "Hootch," or "home brew," 

Look out for the Grim Reaper, that he don't get you! 

G LOO M 

"PLAYING THE GAME" 

By EDWARD FRANKLIN McPHERSON 
The game of life is like a game of cards. The people who play it — 
like the "cards" in the deck. The world is the table upon which the 
game is to be played. You — are one of the cards, and — no matter how 
dirty, dogeared and worn the rest of the cards may be that you are 
forced to be "shuffled with," or played in the game of life against — or 
with; no matter how many "foolish plays" they may make, or what, 
their "spots" may indicate as to their value: You — play the game, and 
play it for all it is worth! Play hard! Be as "clean" as you can! Play 
the game on the "square" — don't be a "cheater!" Always try to keep 
yourself near the "top" of the deck — and not on the bottom! If you 
"are" down on the bottom of the deck, and kismet has relegated you to 
the "discard" — don't be satisfied to stay there! If your environment has 
been such that you have been forced to "play the game" as one of the 
smaller cards — try to get away from the cards that are in that deck! 
Try to raise your "own valuation" until you can play the game for 
larger stakes ! Don't let any of your opportunities slip by — take every 
"trick," if you can! Don't ramp and rage about the "misplays" of the 
others around you — watch your "own plays"! Make your associates 
the kind that will "never trump your tricks"! Lead — when you can! 
Follow suit — when it is best to do so! And now to sum it all up: 
here's the way to play the "game of life," no matter what kind of a 

"card" you may have been in the past . First: make yourself an 

"ace" — not a deuce! Be a "leader" — not a follower! Make yourself a 
"trump" — not a discard! When you "deal" with others — "deal on the 
square"! Play "fair"don't cheat! And last, but not least: "Never 
give up the game until the last card has been played"! "Don't be a 
quitter!" 

If you will follow these Rules in playing the Game — "you are bound 
to Win" — and if you play hard, don't quit, deal square, and on "top" 
of the table. "According to Hoyle" — you "can't lose," no matter What 
the Other Cards may do! 



GLOOM 




AN OLD MAID'S PRAYER 

Oh! Lord! Send me a husband, 

A man from Any Land, 
Just so that he wears trousers, 

I'll love him to beat the band. 

It seems. Dear Lord, that you mixed thlng3 up 

In some mysterious way. 
For people are telling a sad story — 

Three women to each man they say. 

And, Dear Lord, If you can do no better 
Please give us girls a fair show. 

Please Lord let us know the reason, 
We are mighty anxious to know. 

And if there Is no other way to do It 

Why not do as in days gone by, 
When angels took the daughters of men 

As they came down from the sky. 

For, Dear Lord, a man I must have, 

I don't care what his clan, 
But please, Dear Lord, send if you will 

An honestto goodness he-man. 



GLOOM 



WHERE? 



Where can a man buy a cap for bis knee. 

Or a key to the lock of his hair? 
Can his eyes be called an academy. 

Because there are pupils there? 
In the crown of his head what gems are found? 

"Who" travels the bridge of his nose? 
Can be use, when shingling the roof of his house, 

The nails on the end of his toes? 
Can the crook of his elbow be sent to Jail? 

If so, what did he do? 
How does he sharpen his shoulder blades? 

I'll be hanged if I know, do you? 
Can he sit in the shade of the palm of his hand, 

Or beat on the drum of his ear? 
Does the calf of his leg eat the corn on his toes; 

If so, why not grow corn on the ear? 

—"ALLIGATOR. 1 
G LOO M 



Behind the stove at early dawn 

A torn cat crept with one ear gone. 

"It's cold!" remarked a kitten, prim and white. 

"Yes," sighed Tom, "but it sure seemed warm last night!" 

G LOO M 

A sofa placed among the palms; 
A Girlie hid by Roger's arms; 
A quiet bouse, a few deep sighs, 
The only light is in the skies; 
Half past eleven, but don't get sore. 
Good night, kid! — There ain't no more. 



-GLOOM- 



The absent-minded man from the country came to the city with his 
wife, while down-town he decided to call his wife by telephone. 

He took down the receiver and demanded: "1 want to talk to my 
wife." Number, Please!" said Central. "Oh!" he replied, "that is my 
second one." 



GLOOM 



JOBE, "THE DEVIL" AND SENATOR HIRAM 
JOHNSON 



Jobe, rich and honorable, had invited the Lord to dinner and after 
a sumptuous repast they had gone to the barnyard to look at his fine 
stock and prize chickens. 

I happened to be passing by and the Lord said to me, "How noble." 
and I said, "If you take all these things away he will curse you and 
spit in your face." So the Lord said, "Do what you will but spare 
uobe." 

So I destroyed everything he had, covered him with boils and 
placed him on an ash pile. But he still continued to praise the Lord 
and do good. 

There are hundreds of men in the same position as Jobe today. 
Jobe had his faults and weak points and it was through his weakness 
that we set him on the ash pile. But if people who are on ash piles 
are patient they will be able to correct their faults. 

Two men stand before the public today in much the same position 
as Jobe. One Is the Swatter, Babe Ruth, and the other is Senator 
Hiram Johnson. 

Ruth was the idol of the baseball fans until he went ranting around 
on a barnstorming trip and covered himself with boils (so to speak). 
His only salvation now is to be patient, keep his head and he will 
win back in time the respect of fandom. However, whenever I whisper 
in the minds of people like Ruth, "You are the king and you can do 
no wrong," then away goes their stock and their wealth. 

Now Hiram Johnson has been placed in much the same position. 
Let him reason with those who wish him well and keep on helping the 
boys in their efforts to get the bonus and The Merchant Marine and he 
will win out and get rid of his boils. 

But that is his affair and it is my business to create as much 
trouble for all men as possible so I am going to suggest to my imps to 
fight against this Merchant Marine as it will give a loi of the idle 
men work.. 

We had better loan the money it would take to other countries. 
Why make things easier for folks at home when we can furnish 
money to the foreigners to fight over? 

And from best reports I hear that Hi is out after our scalps in 
more ways than one. Besides fighting for the soldiers' bonus, which 
we have had on the bumpers, he agitates the Merchant Marine. He 
wants a square deal for everyone. He advocates lower prices and 
better working conditions. He is in favor of employing the idle just at 



GLOOM 



the time we have several million out of work doing their bit for me. 
Then, worst of all, he works on a progressive ticket. He is a man we 
fear and all preachers, bogus politicians, honest (?) lawyers, crooks, 
bootleggers, and all of our co-workers who want idleness and evil to 
continue in the world should get together and get Johnson's goat. 
"All together now, make the Are roar." 

"THE DEUPHEL." 



-GLOO M- 



SPURTS OF FLAME 

By BUD MATHEWS 



If you marry a girl nampd Wood, that does not signify she is a 
chip of the old block. 

Just try eating eggs and you'll be full (Yolkes) Jokes. 

If you should annex a Harem in China, you are not sure that you'll 
get a Pekin. 

Don't bring in all the wood. Remember your father is used to 
coming home with a load. 

Never try to act like "Ihree Days" around a woman. She'll think 
you a "little week." 

Don't think you are to small to live; remember Heinz started with 
a pickle. 

If you know a joke about a chicken be careful where you pullet. 

Q LOO M 

Smile if your face will let you, 
Laugh if there's a tickle in your throat. 
You may be bald if your hair falls off, 
But don't let it get your goat. 



-GLOOM- 



If a rabbit should be swallowed by a goat, wouldn't that make "hair 
in the butter"? 

If a man named Moon had his corn smashed and he kept still, 
Would it make Moon shine? 



GLOOM 




"BRAINSTORM BY SPOT" 
The "She DevU" 

If the thousands of readers who read "Gloom" No. 1 think 
that the "Devil" can come out of Hell and start a magazine on 
Earth without allowing me a part in it and get away with it he 
has another guess coming. 

When I found out "Nickey" had stepped away to earth I 
became suspicious and started an investigation and here I found 
him spreading his propaganda. Well, you can believe there 
was something besides "Home Brew" for supper when he 
arrived home after the first trip. After he got over his burns 
and bruises we had a heart to heart talk and I finally agreed 
that I should write a few pages relative to the female side of 
Hell on earth and other places. 

1 found some copy on his desk a few moments ago and I 
note he referred to his visit home as a vacation. Isn't that just 
like a man? You can beat them up until they can't walk for a 
week and they will go out and brag about what a fine wife they 
have and how pleasant their home is. Then a lot of them are 
so dumb that they tell the same lie so often that they get to 



GLOOM 



believe it themselves. 

There is one thing certain we girls must stick together and 
when the men start their little crusades of hell we will turn loose 
a few spasams of our own. 

The men have had their way long enough and there are just 
as many of the conceited, egotistical kind in Hades as there are 
on earth. They get so used to ordering the women around, mak- 
ing fun of their clothes, hats, etc., etc., that they think they can 
get away with it for ever. 

Now girls, we have had our ups and downs and if you will 
all pitch in and help and offer suggestions we will show them a 
thing or two. Something possibly they have not all seen 
before. 

The men have cast slurring remarks about our abbreviated 
skirts. For hundreds of years we went about with our tails 
dragging in the mud and filth of the street and didn't dare show 
our ankles for fear our men would think we were immoral. We 
believed the lies the men told us. We thought he was as pure 
as we were ourselves. We let him think for us. He gave us 
our food and clothes: (sometimes) and if we ever stepped out 
of the "straight and narrow," "Good Night." Well then a few 
of us woke up and started out to raise a little Hell of our own. 
It took us some time to get used to it. To stay out all night, 
smoke cigarettes, drink more booze than was good for us and 
then have to be carried upstairs to our home. But we have won 
a lot even though it has cost us so much. Now if we just get out 
and demand that the men be just as respectable, just as pure 
and just as healthy as we are, we are going to get along fine 
together and we are going to have a little more peace in our 
homes. I am for peace night and day and if I don't get it I am 
going to fight for it. 

I am for the abbreviated skirt every time. In fact I don t see 
much harm in pulling off the whole paraphernalia. We would 
all be a lot healthier any way and the men would soon get used 



GLOOM 



to us. Of course, some of us would be a sight, especially the 
skinny ones and the fat ones but they ought to stay under cover 
until they develop or reduce. 

The men talk about our low-necked dresses and bobbed hair. 
Do you girls remember a few years back about Sir Walter 
Kaleighs time when the men wore long curls and fluffed collars? 
Then look at the pictures of their skin-tight pants and their silk 
hose. If that wasn't a display of form and a temptation to 
women, I don't know what was. I mean by temptation to get 
a board and use it where it would do the most good. 

Then do you recall in the old colonial days the powdered 
hair, the gilded snuff boxes and the fluffs and frills along with 
velvet breeches. Ye God's how can any man talk of the dress 
of women when they think of that. 

As for me, I wear the regulation khaki and when employed 
in factory or rough work I advise all you earthbound females 
to do likewise. And if the men want to rave about the women 
bobbing their hair, let 'em. The long golden tresses were all- 
right in the old days when women lolled around the house like 
a pot-flower, but you are living in a new age so get wise to 
yourself and be a new woman. One full of pep and red blood 
able to pick your man and if he don't behave, knock him for 
a row. 

Now sisters buck up! I am going to help you and I want you 
to help me. Let us have your opinions. 

Your sincere Friend and Well Wisher, 

"SPOT" The She Devil. 

G LOO M 



The Flapper of today may not be as guileful as the girl of grand- 
mother's time, but they are much easier to see through. 



-G L o o it- 



Greatest stunt ever pulled in U. S. Wheeling, West Virginia, 
on the Ohio River. 



GLOOM 




JOKO, THE PINK-EYED MONKEY 

It was down In the Capitol at Washington 

'Long about the year, nineteen ten. 
That I received an appointment from the government 

And was considered one of the luckiest men. 

I packed up my grip in a hurry. 

I was eager to get away. 
I thought it would be a vacation 

For I had had none in many a day. 

I took the first ship that was sailing, 

And believe me, it was some trip. 
I had packed up some books and stories 

But they never left my grip. 

The captain was an old rounder 

And told many tales of the sea. 
He had traveled much on the ocean 

And rough time he'd had you could see. 

We touched at the port of Havana 

But I did not leave the ship. 
I was more interested in the tales of the captain 

And the bottle he carried on his hip. 

We were bound for the great ditch in Panama 
And my Job there would not be a hard task 

For I only had to keep books for the super. 
For an easier Job I could hardly ask. 



GLOOM 



•» 



The captain had told me of the natives 
He said there were girls that were fair 

Wilh the bloom of youth in their faces. 
Crowned with Jet black silken hair. 

So after we tied up at the landing. 

And I had been assigned to a shack, 
I took a little walk around the town, 

Not caring when I came back. 

I was strolling along by the hillside 

Where the bushes grew very tall; 
I had no thought of any danger 

Until I heard a monkey call. 

I could hardly believe my senses 

When 1 spied this beastly freak; 
Was it a ptnk-eyed man or a monkey, 

I was so startled I could hardly speak. 

He screamed again and pointed 

To the bushes near the trail 
And there lay a Boa Constrictor 

With snapping eyes and tail. 

I sprang to one side In a hurry 

For the snake was very near, 
But a shot rang out from the bushes 

And 1 had nothing more to fear. 

The shot was fired by a maiden, 

Who came leading this monkey by the hand; 
She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, 

There Is not a girl fairer In any clime or land. 

She said "How, How" In English 

And gave me a lovely smile, 
And that monkey danced and cappered 

And chattered all the while. 

The monkey's name was Joko 

How old he was nobody knew; 
Of the natives in the entire country 

Those as old as he there were few. 

Joko was the pet of all the men, 

And came to the camp each day; 
I saw that he had a plenty to eat 

And never got in the way. 

He would carry love tokens to Marlia, 

For that was the name of the girl 
Who cheered me with her wonderful smiles. 

And kept my head in a whirl. 



GLOOM 



Now this tale Is the same age old story 

Of a young man and maiden fair. 
For I loved as a lover had never loved before 

Oh' that girl with the Jet black hair. 

But one day there came an end to our pleasure, 

I was called back to Washington, 
And I could hardly take this native girl 

Whose love and caresses I had won. 



But the day that my ship was to sail 
She was waiting there for me. 

And Just why she could not go also 
Was hard for her to see. 

But at last in tears and sorrow. 

Old Joko led her away: 
That Old Monkey was sure a wise one. 

And I wonder if he Is there today. 

For in my dreams I can see this girl 
Leading Old Joko by the hand. 

For of all the girls that I have met 
There are none fairer in any land. 

And when I see the maids and matrons 

Who powder, paint and frill, 
I long to go back and claim her 

For I know I love her still. 

And for this reason I have never married, 
And perhaps some day I will land 

Where I can see my beautiful Marlia, 
Leading Joko by the hand. 



-GLOOM- 



SO SIMILAR 

I like to see a donkey bray; 

For it reminds me of the way 

Some men laugh at their own dull jokes — 

And almost crack the ears of folks. 

— Marion (O) Star. 

I love to hear most any jackass bray 

It is to laugh! It reminds me of the day. 

When men and women pretend good with prayer and song 

But are really serving me the whole week long. 

The Devil. 



GLOOM 



TWO PICTURES 



Ai 1TLOOK4 TO 

THE l*LC MlNDCO PURlTAH 




EXPOSING THE SINS OP HOLLYWOOD 



THE SINS OF MOVE STARS 

BY "THE DEVIL" 



Movieland and Hollywood! The magic names that have been on 
most every tongue in the country. Preachers have preached long 
sermons about it; newspapers have given it miles of space; wives have 
told their husbands about it and husbands have told their sweet- 
hearts. But the end is not yet. In fact, the sins of Hollywood and 
the other movie joints are just beginning to be exposed. And for this 
reason I have decided to establish permanent headquarters in Movie- 
land along with Bull Heart, Cupid Ray, Douglas Pickford, Mary Fair- 
banks, Toot Gibson and the rest of the bunch. 

bpace prevents the publishing of all of THE SINS in this issue 
but we wish to tip off our friends and followers about the good things 
to come. 

No doubt every Movie Actor has hidden away in their closet a 
skeleton that they would not care about giving to the world and it is 
through our wonderful organization of the I. OO. I. that we are able 
to give MOVIELAND AS IT IS and WHAT HAS BEEN. 

I understand that certain writers among the "Earth Folks" have 
attempted in a small publication or book to portray the evils of one 
little corner of Movieland known as Hollywood but in the pages of 
GLOOM in the future you can look for the facts as gleaned from the 
past of Movie Actors and others associated with them. 



GLOOM 



MOVIELAND and MOVIE STARS. Master artists, in portraying 
the follies and foolishness of "Earth Folks" they get so much of it 
that they form a habit that is kept up when off the lot 

However, they are like every prominent official, writer, artist or 
man of genius, open for the criticism of the public, both good and bad. 

How many movie fans are there that have not lived in their own 
mind the life of a screen star? Have you not followed the movements 
and expressions of the star and pictured yourself as playing the part 
in some great play that would astonish and bring the praise of the 
entire world? Have you not seen your own name flashed on the 
screen in letters of gold and heard the applause of the public? Have 
you not pictured where you were wined and dined by people of promi- 
nence, sought by newspaper men, seen your picture spread over the 
front of the page as the World's Greatest Movie Star and then after 
the picture was over have gone home and dreamed dreams. Then as 
soon as you could raise the price you went back for more pictures and 
to dream again. 

The moving picture is the greatest instrument for good that has 
been given to "Earth Folks" since the advent of Christ. 

Ah! But fools that ye are! You ever crucify those that do you 
good and worship the gods of gold, war and the profiteers who steal 
your labor, your rights of liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

The moving picture has made people think for themselves. The 
book, the newspaper, the legitimate stage all gave you thoughts ex- 
pressed in print or voice. The moving picture gave you the scene 
and made you think and form words of your own. It has developed 
your brain and all unconscious of it you have developed a seventh 
sense. A clairvoyant ability to fortell the trend of things before it 
actually happens. It has shown that all thought is universal and that 
hundreds of people actually think the same thing at the same time. 
The world is in its infancy of progress and invention. The moving 
picture and the radio prove it 

The movie has developed the mind of the child to higher and 
better things. It has established courage and lofty ideals. What 
youth has not imagined themselves as the hero or heroine of the play? 
Did you ever hear an audience cheer when the bandit robbed the stage 
or the villain attacked the girl? No! But they do cheer when the 
hero appears to protect and to see that Justice is done. 

Preachers are telling you of the evils of the movies, of the attacks 
on the church. They tell you that all the robberies are caused by the 
evil influence of the movies. That the Wild West scenes will be 
acted over again in reality by the young men in the audience. What 
rot! Your crooks and robbers of today that serve me so well are 



GLOOM 



made In my schools here on earth. The courts, the jails, work houses 
and penitentiaries, which are made possible under the great system 
I have for you and which Is kept in existence by "honest lawyers" 80 
that they may graft oft the gulable public. 

PROOF OF THE PUDDING 

Sing Sing Crooks Hiu the Villain 

Richard Barthelmesa. the popular young screen star, who Is now filming "The Bond Boy." as 
a First National release, says nothing will ever induce him to portray a villain in any production. 

"1 was never so much impressed with the fact that nobody loves the villain as on the occasion 
or a visit to 81ng Sing State Prison. Why, even the crooks hate the villain. I went up there to 
see the convicts at a motion picture show. Tho film was an Intense melodrama, in which they bad 
one of those old-fashioned villains. 

"Imagine my surprise when in one of the big scenes where the villain temporarily triumphs. I 
heard every one of the seventeen hundred men in that big hall hiss and show that they would like 
to do him bodily harm. When finally virtue triumphed and the villain was downed by the strong 
arm of the law. everyone of the men. many of whom were murderers and burglars serving virtually 
life sentences, enthusiastically applauded." —LOS ANGELES EXAMINED. 

You want to give the movies more credit for creating evil than Is 
due them and I am not going to stand for it. I want it to go where It 
justly belongs. 

Movies as a general thing are doing good and do not work for me 
but against me. However, there is another side to the story and the 
lives of actors are not above reproach. It is a great deal like David 
of bibical fame when he saw the beautiful woman washing herself in 
the pool. He did not hesitate a minute to place her husband in the 
front ranks in battle so that he might take the beautiful woman for 
his own. Still you "Earth Folks" read the Psalms of David and marvel 
at his goodness. A more poulted old reprobate never lived unless it 
imls his son Sol. An artist may paint a beautiful and saintly picture 
and at the same time his life may be rotten to the core. You read 
the stories of gifted authors, the pages from the books of philosophers 
but you know that the character and the lives of these people were 
not always of the best. Yet you lambast the movie actor for being 
human. You want his life barred so that you may spread the scandal 
to your neighbor, that you may ponder on the supposed carousals and 
picture yourself taking part in these wicked scenes in the privacy of 
your own bedoom. 

So to create as much discord in the world, as possible, to stamp 
out any good that may be gained from the movies, let me call In an 
my Imps, the preachers, priests, newspapers and others that work for 
me so faithful and let us expose the lives of these actors and actorines 
and let us fill the minds of the "Earth Folks' 'with vile things so 
that there will be great rejoicing In hell. 

So look out for "MOVIELAND AS IT IS and WHAT HAS BEEN." 



GLOOM 




MY SYSTEM FOR EARTH FOLKS 



At the Devil's Speed Banquet 
In honor of Hypocritical Prayer Bone Skunks and Lizzards, Bogus 
Politicians, Honest (?) Lawyers, Poluted Rich, Piratical Preachers 
and Priests and other would-be Imps who are serving me so well 
here on Earth. 



"A Toast to Earth Folks" 
Here is to The Imps of Satan, 

All faithful, strong and true; 
May their unjustness always continue 

To make hell on earth for you. 



A Few Words of Cheer from Satan 

Friends and loyal followers of the Evil One! 

Be of good cheer! It is a pleasure, I assure you, to have you 
seated at my festive board and have you partake of food produced by 
the labor of our victims who are living under a system of rules laid 
down by our loyal supporters of the past who drafted into one large 
book words that tell on one page. Take an eye for an eye and a tooth 
for a tooth, and on another says, "love your enemies," and "do unto 
others as ye would that they would do to you." For two thousand 



GLOOM 



years we have been more than bleeding the innocent and ignorant 
populace. 

Civilization of Earth Folks! How thin and frail it all is! A man 
goes down in the dust and under their system they fall on him like a 
pack of wolves. His character is torn to pieces and he is left broken 
and bleeding by the wayside and along comes someone offering him 
the crust of salvation and like the drowning man he grasps at the 
straw and clings to a hope of reward for his efforts that exist only 
in the imaginary hereafter. He is to be pitied, indeed, and let me 
commend you, my dear brother. You do your work well. You rob 
the widows and orphans, keep rents and foodstuffs so high that many 
lose their faith in their golden hope and cast it to the winds, taking 
their lives in an effort to get away from it all. 

Doubt, fear, hate, jealousy, selfishness, false doctrine, are ever our 
weapons and everyone is embodied In the teachings of the priests and 
sages of old. The principal and foundation of which is based on sel- 
fishness. The masters who taught that one day Knowledge, Faith, 
Love, Truth, Purity, Justice and Unselfishness should rule the world 
have had their utterances so twisted that it would tend to work for 
our own cause and the destruction of all hope for our victims. 

Be of good cheer. "Earth Folks" ever crucify their prophets and 
saviors. 

Did not Socrates, who opposed us, bite the dust for daring to tell 
the truth? He lived In the midst of our loyal followers who tried and 
executed him as an enemy of the state. 

Another man of Syria, calm, collected, with every principal of good 
implanted in mind and soul, was nailed to a cross by our followers 
that evil might prevail upon the earth. His teachings in part have 
been recorded in the pages of history but have been twisted so as to 
serve us and us alone. 

My system for "Earth Folks" breeds idleness and unemployment. 
The savage must have food. Idleness breeds crime and so your 
lawyers work to fill jails, reform schools and penitentiaries with our 
victims. 

Jails, reform schools, work houses and penitentiaries are our best 
schools for crime. The system does not teach them to be good, rather 
the man or woman, boy or girl who commits some offense, is thrown 
with master criminals who complete his education in evil ways and he 
robs the earth folks on one side while you rob him on the other. 

It is to laugh! The earth folks are kidding themselves. Churches 
and such organizations strut about with all the confidence of a banty 
rooster, believing that their prayer will give them rewards in a place 
where they will wear crowns studded with precious jewels and where 



GLOOM 



the streets are pure gold. How intelligent people can believe such 
rot is beyond me, but it serves my purpose well. 

Men and women are devoting their life building up in their 
imagination a paradise and mansions beyond the sky while all about 
them are people who hunger and thirst not only for food, but for kind 
words and deeds. Souls are being starved for kindness making them 
easy victims for us. Earth folks close up their souls like clams and 
they give not, neither do they receive, but verily I will give them their 
reward. 

If their Christ would step back upon earth today and start teach- 
ing his doctrine of Love, Truth and Justice he would be worse than 
crucified. So "brothers in evil" you have little to fear. There are 
few who have sought and found the truth and when they appear they 
too will bite the dust like Socrates and Christ of Galilee. 

I am no respector of persons 

The old and the young, 

The low and the high. 
Shall moulder in dust 
And together shall lie. 

"Earth Folks" may take their choice: They can accept the teach- 
ings of those masters who taught that "God is Love" and that "Love 
thy Neighbor" is the only foundation upon which man can expect peace 
and happiness "On Earth as in the Hereafter" or they can take the 
laws as were contaminated by Moses and other fanatics along with 
King James and other bibical adulterators and say their prayers on 
Sunday to save their soul from my hell of fire and on the other six 
days of the week rob their fellow man just as you, my loyal subjects, 
are doing. And when all is done you can all come home to me. 

I thank you, 



"THE DEVIL." 



-GLOOM- 



AT THE POLICE STATION 

Chief: Here is a call. Murphy, from 20th St. A lady up 
there said her neighbors persisted in watching her every time 
she went in the bath room. 

Murphy: Ah! Some of these "ginks" is alwus lookin' for 
noteriety. If they can't get it one way they will another. How- 
ever, it may be worth looking into. 



GLOOM 



LATEST NEWS ABOUT HELL 

Hell is a lake of fire under the earth, but the devil himself 
never goes near the place. 

That is the latest news from hell, sent out by Wilbur Glenn 
Voliva, Supreme Dictator of Zion City. The same informant 
reassures us, lest we worry over the devil's loss of a home, that 
Satan hovers over the earth directing murders, suicides, wars 
and general crime, directing his squads of evil here and there 
to grab some damned soul as soon as it leaves the mortal body. 

However, the devil will not always have his own way. The 
time will come, according to Voliva, when the Prince of Evil 
will receive homeopathic treatment. At the end of the world 
he will get back into hell and be destroyed in his own lake of 
fire. 

Meanwhile, says this hot wireless, hell is in charge of a prince 
who represents Satan. But it is a bit disturbing to know that 
His Satanic Majesty is personally in charge here on earth. — 

Reprint from Hearst's newspapers. 

Glenn Old Boy I You are right in a measure but you have a 
lot to learn. I know you are conducting a first-class Little Hell 
of your own here on earth in Zion City, covering up with your 
hypocritical ravings and methods the fact that you are working 
for me, but do not forget that I am still in charge of all Hells, 
both here and hereafter. I am going to leave at the end of the 
word all right, but as long as I have faithful followers like you 
and your gulable subjects I have little to worry about. When the 
time comes we will have a nice warm place ready for you down 
below but it will not be in any place like the center of the earth. 
It may be warm down there, 780 degrees or so, but remember 
that Hell is Hot. 

Your Master "The Devil." 



GLOOM 



IF WE UNDERSTOOD 



Could we but draw back the curtains 
That surrounded each other's lives, 
See the naked heart and spirit, 
Know what spur the action gives, 
Often we should find it better. 
Purer than we judged we should, 
We should love each other better, 
If we only understood. 

Could we Judge all deeds by motives. 
See the good and bad within, 
Often we should love the sinner, 
All the while we loathe the sin; 
Could we know the powers working 
To o'erthrow integrity. 
We should judge each other's errors 
With more patient charity. 

If we knew the cares and trials. 
Knew the effort all in vain. 
And the bitter disappointment, 
Understood the loss and gain — 
Would the grim, eternal roughness 
Seem — I wonder — just the same? 
Should we help where now we hinder, 
Should we pity where we blame? 

Tho! we judge each other harshly. 
Knowing not life's hidden force; 
Knowing not the fount of action 
Is less turbid at its source; 
Seeing not amid the evil 
All the golden grains of good; 
Oh! we'd love each other better, 
If we only understood. 



PUEBLO CHEIFTON. 



GLOOM 



THE DEVIL 



(Continued from Gloom No. 1) 
Well, "Earth Polks," I am back once more, 
Ready to make things hot just as I did before. 
My little vacation was Just a return to hell, 
And believe me, folks, my imps run things well. 
They had so much experience while here on eanh 
That they keep up the habit for all their worth. 
Now I know you "Earth Polks" will all agree 
That I stirred up some hell on my first little spree. 
And you have been hoping that I'd remain away, 
But for time I have lost you will have to pay. 
So I ask all my "Earth Imps" to go to work 
And be careful that none of their duties shirk. 
For we need all the assistance we can command, 
If we are going to make a hell throughout the land. 
Now get very busy and with might and main 
Create trouble and woe, sorrow and pain. 
For that is my object while I am here. 
To make "Earth Folks" live in discord and fear; 
To implant in the mind of every man, 
The idea of making all the hell he can. 
You can commence with the crowing of the cock, 
And you can keep adding fuel every tick of the clock. 
Get up a fight with your neighbor as you pass his door. 
And watch the hell in his eyes begin to roar. 
Spread all the scandal that you learn, 
And all appeals for aid you must spurn. 
Live for yourself. Look out for Number One. 
bome Idea for happiness, "Ain't we got Fun." 
If a cripple should beg of you on the street. 
Don't give a cent, but invite friends to treat. 
Order up a gallon or so of bootlegger wine, 
And by the time you have finished you'll be doing fine. 
You will be in excellent condition to go ahead 
And make the hearts of those about you as heavy as lead. 
You can beat up your wife when you go home that night. 
Or if you have no wife go out and start a fight. 
Get up in the morning with a head full of pain, 
Then go out the next day and do it over again. 



GLOOM 



For you know all through the history of mankind, 

People to their own faults have been blind. 

But to this fact all "Earth Folks" will agree, 

The faults of others are very plain to see. 

And instead of culling the wheat from the chaff, 

You call it all chaff, and like a fool you laugh. 

And if brother's mistakes make his life a hell, 

Not a hand you would lend or a kind word tell. 

You are no doubt patching up your own torn soul, 

But the more you patch the quicker you'll reach the goal 

Where you wind up at last in my home, in hell, 

And then there will be a different story to tell. 

Then when your Earth Deeds are weighed in the great scale, 

The miss-deeds of your life will make you turn pale. 

Bui don't let it worry you, my dear friends of earth, 

I will let you continue to make hell for all you're worth. 

And you think these words over just before you sleep, 

That "Whatso'ver a man soweth that shall he reap." 

And with these words I will leave for a time, 

As 1 must return to a much warmer clime. 

But be ready to read in GLOOM Number Three 

The story of The Devil and his next little spree. 

Same Old Pal, THE DEVIL. 

G LOO M 

LYNCHINGS AND BURNINGS OF NEGROS 

The negro desires and takes. He knows what to expect 
when he assaults a white woman. He is not ignorant of the law. 
The trouble with him is he is usually idle and shiftless and a 
"hanger out" in cheap dives where his mind is filled with un- 
clean things. The best thing for the negro or white man either 
is work and plenty of it. Make it compulsory if necessary, but 
make them work. It will keep some of our statesmen busy 
figuring out how to do it but that is their job. Make our states- 
men work as well as think about golf and tea parties.. 



GLOOM 



THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY 



In each issue hereafter "The Devil" will print a part of his Dic- 
tionary. This issue we will start with — 
A — The first word used by man. Expression received from man seen 

standing with legs apart. 
Abbreviation — Modern flapper dress. 
Abbreviator — One who dresses not 
Abduct — Stealing another man's wife. 
Abductor — Shimmy dance. 
Abed — Unprintable. 

Abhor— What "earth folks" think of truth. 
Abide — Sticking with a mate you don't love. 
Abeggael — The maid that father kisses on the sly. 

She stays on the job and mother wonders why. 
Ability — To the woman a man who is strong physically and brings 

home the bacon. To the man a woman who can cook. 
Abject— Condition of larger part of "Earth Folks." 
Ablaze — Condition of many minds here and hereafter. 
Absorb — The way lots of people expect to gain knowledge. 

The Devil's Dictionary will be continued in the next number of 
GLOOM. We want our readers to offer suggestions for the words. 
Let them come, beginning with any letter of the alphabet. We will 
classify them. Address all letters to Gloom Publishing Co., 230 Court 
St., Los Angeles, Cal. 

G LOO M 

Captain Admunson has gone to the far north on a "Still Hunt." 
He hopes to discover where weather is born and if possible bring some 
of it back with him. Here's hoping he does. 



-GLOOM- 



Shakespeare Was Right 

Some women, in order to display their "talents," become movie- 
actresses— others, "flappers." 



GLOOM 




CAREER OF A. P. A. JONES 

The first part of my career is not so interesting so I will pass 
over it hurridly. Pa hurried out for the doctor one night and 
1 hurried in. We have been pretty good pals ever since. 
Especially since the day 1 caught him kissing the maid. He 
gave me a tip and told me not to let Ma in on the secret. 1 
thought about it along time and then one day I caught ma in 
the arms of the preacher — and I decided that I was going to be 
burdened with secrets. Ma gave me a dollar and said don't you 
dare tell Pa. So we all get along pretty well. When I want 
anything all I have to do is to wink at Ma or Pa and 1 get it. 
It's sure nice to have secrets. 

The other day I was over to Aunt Maggie's house. She has 
only been married about two months. She was saving up 
money for a piano. She and her husband are quarreling already 
over such simple things. They had one while I was there. 
"Tom" (that's "Maggie's" husband) gave her one of those 
home savings banks when they were married and for every 
time he kissed her he was to put in a dime for the piano. The 



GLOOM 



day I was there they opened the bank because it was full. 
There were a lot of dimes, and a lot more quarters, half dollars 
and bills. Where in the world did these come from? said Tom. 

Well, said Maggie, other men are not as stingy as you are. 
And the fun began. I don't see what they had to quarrel about 
with all that money. Ma said yesterday that they got the piano. 

1 am working in the General Store down-town and the girls 
come in every day and bother me about things. One came in 
yesterday and said let me see your hose. Oh go on said I, 1 
can't do it. Very well then I'll get your boss to show them. 

We also have a drug department. 1 was back of the counter 
patching up a place on my face where 1 cut it shaving, (first 
time too) and a lady came in and says. "Have you New Skin?" 
and I says No, I only got cut this morning. The other day a 
man came in and said I sleep so sound that I can't wake up in 
time to get to work. Have you any alarm clocks? No said I, 
but I have something just as good. I sold him a box of liver 
pills. 

The other day a fat lady got hit by an automobile near the 
Funeral Parlor which is just across the street from our place. 1 
rushed out and tried to pick her up. She was to heavy for me 
so Mr. Smith who runs the Funeral Parlor came out and said 
your to light boy, I'll untertaker. All right said I, if you do I'll 
call a doctor. So I called up the first name that I saw under 
doctor's. I told him it was a rush call and to hurry. He came 
around in about thirty minutes and looked at the patient. Why 
said he, what you need is a physician. I am a horse doctor. 

Last week my Boss started an egg sale. He put some crates 
of eggs outside and marked them strictly fresh eggs, 40c Dozen. 
Another crate he labeled — not so fresh, 30c dozen. Another 
crate he labeled, eggs 10c dozen. In about twenty minutes a 
boy came along on a bicycle and knocked the last named crate 
down and spilled eggs all over the sidewalk. He fell off his 
wheel, broke his arm and started to cry. Some kind people 



GLOOM 



picked him up and someone said, "too bad." No said I, they 
are all had can't you smell? 

Some of the girls were giving a slumber party a short time 
ago and were going to give a supper. They came in and 
ordered crackers, candles, pickles, bread and a lot of other 
stuff. I asked them if they didn't want to help me wrap them 
up so they did. One of them walked to the back part of the 
store and I said what are you doing now and she said, "tea's 'n 
coffee." What are you doing? "Milk 'n pickles," said I. One 
of the girls got up on the counter and started tossing stuff from 
the shelf. Catsup? said she. No, said I, tomato can. What 
else do you want? So one of the girls said, some fruit. We are 
giving a slumber party and haven't much room. How would 
pears do? That would be alright said I, but you have peaches 
and the party is for girls only. Well, they finally got what 
they wanted and from what I hear the party was a success. 
Perhaps I can tell you about it in Gloom No. 3. 

So long, 



A. P. A. JONES. 

-G L, O O M 



THE DEVIL'S RADIO 

It used to be "Over the Top" and now it is over the Radio. 

Some Flappers are so bow-legged that their knees have to 
have a wireless system to be on speaking terms. 

Why were Adam and Eve just as modern as people of today? 
Because they hung up their clothes on the wireless. 

Bootleggers are installing radios! 
Order yours by wireless. 

The rough roaring sound coming in over the radio is not 
someone singing but is just the wireless waves rolling in. 



GLOOM 



FUEL FOR THE FURNACE 

By EDWARD FRANKLIN McPHERSON 
Imp., No. 6783 



An Old-One In a New Way 

Flap, and the world will flap with you— dress sensibly, and stay at 
home. 

Going-Up! 

The longer the stairs — the shorter the skirt — th' longer th' Stares. 

Synonyms 

"Chicken Coops?" — Answer: Co-ed Colleges, Young Ladies' Semin- 
aries, Convents, Girls' Boarding Schools, Girls* Reform Schools, Finish- 
ing Schools, etc. 

Fowls? 

"Can you tell a young chicken from an old-one, by looking at it?" 
asked the young man who was on his way to market. "Not any more," 
replied his rather sporty companion, absend-mindedly, "now-a-daya, 
with their bobbed-hair, short skirts, and their backs turned, most any 
old hen LOOKS like a spring chicken!" 

Parties 

The "coming-out party" of the wealthy young society girl is gen- 
erally very closely followed by the arrival of several "incoming parties" 
(with the accent on fincomef), whose sole asset consists of a "some- 
what tarnished title," a "monicle" in one eye and the other on the "in- 
come," which, if sufficiently inflated, is usually the indirect cause of a 
"wedding party," immediately followed by "both parties" giving a 
"farewell party" to their social acquaintances, and this is generally the 
direct cause of the "stock" in this particular "duekdom" having a 
"going-up" party," and the whole thing usually winds up with all of 
the "parties" giving a "law'n party" in the divorce court, 
erally the direct cause of the "stock" in this particular "duekdom" 
having a "going-up party," and the whole thing usually winds up with 
ail of the "parties" giving a "lawn party" in the divorce court. 



GLOOM 



Making Hay While the MOON Shines" 

The cloud of gloom that has been looming on the anti-prohibition- 
ist's horizon ever since the enactment of the 18th Amendment has 
again proved that there is more truth than poetry in the old adage, 
"every cloud has a silver lining" — "to the bootlegger." 

T. N. T.— "Rest In Pieces" 

The most convenient way of "shufflin' off this mortal coll," now-a- 
days, is to try to become personally acquainted with the concoction 
that is "dribblin' from the end of the Copper-Coil." 

Why? 

Chauncey Depew NEVER drinks anything, except at a wedding. 
He says that he does not approve of single-blessedness, ANYMORE, 
and has had his things moved next door to "the little church around the 
corner." Why? 

Before and After 

When the bootlegger is seen leaving by the back-gate, the under- 
taker is seen nailing Crepe on the front-door, shortly afterwards. 

"Where Did HE Get It?" (Don't mention it!) 

"Do you think that prohibition has improved men's morals any?" 
asked a young businessman of an acquaintance, whom he had met 
coming out of an alley. 

"S-s-s-shure," replied the other, thickly, "don't m-men h-shun it!" 

Stomach Troubles 

Wandering Willie had asked the good woman to give him a bite to 
eat "What on earth's th' matter with you, that you don't go to work 
and earn your food?" she asked, sharply. "Stomach trouble, mam," he 
answered, laconically. "Well, well," said the good woman, "if that's 
th' case, why I'll give you something to eat. I have a pretty hard time 
keeping anything on MY stomach, sometimes." "Dat ain't MY trouble, 
lady," answered Willie, "I have an awful time GETTIN* anything to 
PUT on mine — ALL DE TIME!" 



GLOOM 




P.O. F in Session 



RULES AND REGULATIONS OF 
INDIGNENT ORDER OF FLAPPERS 

The purpose of this organization is to promote the welfare of 
the girls who believe they have a right to think as they please, 
breathe as they please, wear as little and what they please, go 
where they please, live as they please and die the same way. 

Rule No. 1 . All flappers must agree to do the things that the 
purity squad and reformers say we should not do. 

Rule No. 2. All flappers must work for the best interest of 
the order, and recruits or candidates are wanted, especially 
among the old maids, grandmothers and the stout matrons who 
are trying to regain their girlish figure. 

Rule No. 3. All flappers must wear their dresses just a little 
above the knee so that when you sit down you can give those 
about you a thrill. Remember that without thrills life is a bore. 
Do your duty. 



GLOOM 



Rule No. 4. AH flappers must go on parade at least once a 
week wearing pink knickerbockers of very thin silk. This is 
done only as a matter of form. 

Rule No. 5. All flappers should wear their waists as low as 
possible to avoid getting over heated. Let the flappers flop. 
And whenever possible stoop over so that you can catch the 
breeze. Be sure some man is looking. 

Rule No. 6. Do not keep company with men more than 
seven days of the week for you know you must have some rest. 

■r 

Rule No. 7. If a man asks you to go automobile riding, go, 
but if he asks you to walk home. Let your conscience be your 
guide. 

Rule No. 8. All flappers must use lots of paint and powder. 
Remember the Father of our country said: In time of peace 
prepare for war. Use plenty of powder. Prepardness is one 
of our mottos. 

Rule No. 9. Flappers should never marry more than one 
husband at a time. Husbands are very jealous and one must 
have some peace in the family. If there is any fighting to be 
done do it yourself. 

Rule No. 10. Always try to get in the bright lights espe- 
cially on sunshiny days so that you can use the sun for an 
X-Ray. The doctors tell us it is very invigorating. 
(To be continued in Gloom No. 3) 



-GLOOM- 



In the Philippino family the mother is held in reverence. 
This, I suppose, another thing you civilized "earth folks" dis- 
carded as barbarianism. 



GLOOM 



A Wifemade Man 

Percy was a poor fish, always ill at ease ; 
When he met a pretty girl, he trembled at the knees. 
Got moist when dancing, stuttered when he spoke. 
His clothes were always shiny and he was always broke. 
But Amy Lukers loved him, with a love akin to pity. 
And finally she married him, though she wasn't pretty. 
But Amy had some money and she had brains as well, 
And the way she spruced up Percy is quite a treat to tell. 
Percy is the main guy in Tonkinville today, 
Fellows who once scorned him are working in his pay. 
The moral of this story is, a clever woman can 
Make a hopeless mutt into quite a useful man. 



The Right Way 

Ronald was a writer, he reeled forth rippling verse. 

Read it to his friends, who used to writhe and curse. 

Sent it to the papers, who promptly sent it back. 

Ronald's nearly starving and is living in a shack. 

He never has a dollar, and has hardly any clothes 

And still he keeps on writing rotten verse and prose. 

His relations wish he had a trade, plumbing or beating rugs, 

But Ronald knows his futures rosy, he knows he's going bugs. 

He'll dwell in stately mansions and loll beneath rare trees, 

Read verses to the Wanderines and live a life of ease. 

The moral of this story is really very sad, 

To live by writing verses one must first go mad. 



GLOOM 




THE PROCESS OF EVOLUTION A LA BRYAN 

Bryan, as usual, seems to be the universal joke. I was up 
in Mars last week and King Romat of the kingdom of Etal 
asked me why the vibrations were so strong from the earth 
and I told him it was the racket being raised by Bryan on 
evolution. Why, said Romat, don't Bryan believe in evolu- 
tion? Not on your life, said I. He believes just like Topsy 
in Uncle Tom's Cabin, "he just happened." That is his theory 
of how man started. Ha! hal said Romat, he certainly is the 
bunk. I never heard of Topsy, but I get the idea. It sounds 
interesting. If those books on earth ever wake up enough to 
answer the signals we have been making for the past three cen- 
turies perhaps we will know more about the earth. 

You know its funny, said Romat. Our people here used to 
believe a lot of rot about fairy tales and fables that some fool 
writer penned several thousand years ago. People are still like 
apes — you give them an idea and 75 per cent of them will ac- 
cept it and act on it as their own, and get sore if someone sug- 
gests that he thought of it first. 



GLOOM 



A few years back we had an epidemic on Mars of Hagcraft. 
People got the idea that those gifted with unusual talents were 
possessed with evil spirits and they began to burn or hang them. 
They tried a cure of tieing them up in a sack and chucking 
them, with a rock tied to them, in our canals. If they lived 
and came to the top they were innocent and if they drowned 
they were guilty. 

Yes, said I, those boobs down on earth, including Bryan, 
are the same way. They have been reading a book which in 
reality is a set of books bound into one written by about forty 
different authors. It contains a set of rules and regulations 
that people went by thousands of years ago. They have an 
idea that by following its teachings they will go to a place 
called Heaven, when they die. Well, some of these people 
have gone crazy trying to follow its teachings. About 2,000 
years ago a lot of priests, monks and kings got together and 
rewrote a lot of it so that they would always have the people 
working for them, and that the people's reward would come 
in the hereafter. The whole thing was founded on selfishness. 
The idea of being good to save one's soul from eternal punish- 
ment appealed to the narrow-minded human, so he set out to 
be as good as he could, not for the good he could do someone 
else, but to save his own dirty carcass from the punishment of 
hell fire that I keep burning. 

Ha! ha! said Romat, that is rich; so they actually believe 
that! Say, that's good! They certainly must be a lot of 
chumps. But a thousand years ago people up here were a 
good deal like that but they woke up to the fact that true happi- 
ness or heaven, as the earth folks call it, lies in the fact that 
one shall work for all and oil for one and that when they die 
they only keep up in spirit life the work they have left unfin- 
ished on earth. It has certainly made a wonderful change. In 
fact, so many people could not exist on Mars unless we had 
such a system. 



GLOOM 



Well, my talk with Romat did me a lot of good for I knew 
I had a lot of time yet on earth before you would wake up 
enough to give me the can-can. 

Well, so long for this time. 

THE DEVIL. 

G LOO M 

The red-headed congressman from Kentucky was a fire eater 
for oratory and took great delight in making jokes about the 
congressmen and their respective states. 

When called upon for a toast one evening at a banquet, he 
arose, threw out his chest and began — 

Here is to the American Eagle, 

That noble bird of prey, 
Who fattens on food from Kentucky's fertle soil 

But starves in Iowa. 

The congressman from Iowa arose, his eyes spitting fire, and 
remarked — 

Here is to the state of Iowa, 

Our products many prizes have won; 

The Kentucky eagle you refer to, is a buzzard, 
You red-headed sun of a gun. 



-OLOOM- 



A cow kicked the lamp that started the Chicago fire in 1870 
and Chicago people have been "shooting the bull" about it 
ever since. 



GLOOM 



O 



STANDS FOR OPPORTUNITY 
AND THIS IS YOURS 



In every state and territory in the United States and the 
provinces of Canada we are going to distribute several thou- 
sand dollars in prizes to readers of Gloom, "The Devil's Book." 
Prizes will be given as follows: 

One of eighteen letters making Gloom, "The Devil's Book," 
is printed above. Others are printed on cards and distributed 
through the newsstands where Gloom is sold and in other ways. 
Other letters will be printed in newspapers in your city and 
throughout the state. Another letter will be printed in a future 
issue of Gloom. The contest is open to everybody — men, 
women and children — no one is barred. 

For the first one in your state to get a complete set of letters 
and mail to publishers of Gloom, $ 1 00.00 will be given. The 
second set $50.00 and the third set $25.00. Now here is an 
easy way to earn a little money without much effort. When 
set is completed, address it by registered mail to 

GLOOM PUBLISHING COMPANY. 

230 Court St., Los Angeles, Calif. 

G LOO m 

ONE PREACHER WITH SENSE 

Rev. Dr. Smuker of Hazelton, Pa., blames 75 per cent of 
the matrimonial disasters on mothers-in-law. Doctor, you have 
too much sense for a preacher. If you don't look out people 
will run you out of your church. A man with such ideas in his 
head is not working for me, and it is a good thing for me that 
there are few like you. 



GLOOM 



SPEAR THRUSTS 

Nine-tenths of the people who are praying for guidance 
through the pearly gates wouldn't stop to give a poor, hungry 
cripple a dime. 

G LOO M 

The men of today and yesterday who ask a girl to marry 
them demand that she be pure and untouched as the new blown 
snow. Where would our marriage be if the conditions were 
reversed. 

- O LOO M 

There is more hell in a woman's tongue and eyes than all my 
imps can make artificially in a week. 

a loo m 

A woman often wonders why friend husband don't say the 
pretty things about her and pay her the attention he did before 
they were married, never stopping to consider the fact that 
she has entirely changed her method of seeking love and affec- 
tion. Love and kindness usually bring the same in return. 
Q loo m 

A photographer in New York of many years experience 
says men are vainer than the women, are more exact about 
their appearance, and much harder to please. Correct also 
when it comes to selecting a life partner. A woman is satisfied 
with most anything that wears pants. But the man wants virtue, 
lovliness and a lot more along with it. 

a LOO M 

We wonder why "The Flapper?" Why the pinched cheeks? 
Why the slender limbs and narrow hips? Go to a fat stock 
show and note with what tender care the brood sow is handled. 
Go to the cattle man or horse man and see how highly they 
prize their cows and mares. Ask them how many thousands 
have been spent to build up the stock in these animals. How 
they are guarded from being frightened and from nervousness. 
Then turn to your woman and your boasted civilization. What 
has civilization done to make better babies? Civilization! Ye 
gods, how it stinks I 



GLOOM 



TEAM WORK IN MARRIED LIFE 

I have had little to say about married folks elsewhere in this 
issue, because I feel that you need something more than mere 
words. A lot of you at least. You certainly play for me strong. 
The wife, instead of helping friend husband, hinders him by 
asking for foolish things he can not afford. You insist on a 
grand touring car when you should have a bicycle. You de- 
mand fine dresses of silk when you should wear calico. You 
complain when your husband needs help and sympathy. You 
greet him with pouts and tears when there should be smiles and 
laughter. Then on the other hand, friend husband comes home 
nursing a grouch after I have been making it interesting for 
him in business all day. He says, "what's the matter with this 
steak?" at the dinner table. It's scorched or something and 
you reply. Yes, it scorched while I was darning your darned 
socks and then the fun begins. 

It is certainly a fine thing for me that there is little team 
work in married life. It does not take long for me to break up 
a home where there is no harmony and where each one is think- 
ing only of their own joys and sorrows, and I would add with 
the kind assistance of my loyal helper the mother-in-law, the 
divorce court ends the game. 

Same as ever, 

"THE DEVIL." 

O LOO M 



If the recent experiments that were made in New York are to 
be considered, we will soon be having our moving pictures over 
the radios. Actors will display their talents before a large 
broadcasting machine. And Oh Joy. There will be no censor 
to clip out the interesting dressing scenes, bath scenes and other 
naughty things you "Earth Folks" should not see, much less 
think about. 



GLOOM 



SMILE DURN IT SMILE 



Do you know 

That a smile 

Or a kind word 

Often makes 

The world 

A different place 

To live In? 

Sometimes 

As we go 

Down the street 

We meet people 

Who look sad 

And who believe 

They have more 

Trouble 

Than all the rest 

Of the World 

A smile 

Or a kind word 

Often makes them 

Look at things 



Different. 

They go on their way 

Rejoicing 

Spreading Sunshine 

So get out 

Of that grouch 

And start 

To smiling 

Say a kind word 

Do your part 

To make this 

A better world 

And you will find 

That you'll be happier 

Than you 

Have ever been. 

In other words 

if your face 

Wants to smile 

Let it. 



—"The Devil" 



AND ONE OF HIS ANGELS SAYS 

Smile and the world smiles with you, 

Laugh and the world will roar. 
Growl, and smile will leave you 

Never to return any more. 
For all of us cannot be handsome. 

Nor can we all wear fine clothes; 
Wear a smile, it's not expensive. 

And it covers a world of woes. 



GLOOM 



HARD TIMES COMING 

Yea It sure 1b Hard Times these 
days, says Toney the Barber. I sleep 
In da bed that Is hard. Get up In a da 
morn and my wife she is hard boiled. 
We have hard biscuits for breakfast 
along wld da hard boiled eggs. My 
tin a Lizzie she start a hard. I have 
a hard time getting to a da shop. 
Have a hard time paying da rent. 
Business she is a hard. I have a hard 
time getting rid of a da peddlers, beg- 
gers and da agents and when I go a 
home at night I have a hard time 
dodging a da Hard Boiled Yeggs. But 
it may be as Harding remarked. It 
is not a da Hard Times, coming, now 
it is just a da soft times leaving. 
You tell em soft collar. 



-GLOOM- 



THE END IN VIEW 

Judge Weathersby was a good old 
southern gentleman and many of his 
colored clients took advantage of his 
great heartedness. 

One day an old negress rang at the 
door of the Judge's residence. A maid 
answered and then reported to the 
Judge: "There is an old negro woman 
out there with a contribution blank 
asking for funds to buy her boy some 
trousers." 

"All right, Mary, show her In," said 
the Judge. 

The old negress told her story and 
then said. "Look at dat boy. Jedge. 
He sho need som clos mighty bad. 
Turn roun' Rastus and sho de Jedge 
your pants." 

"Qreat Scott," said the Judge. "He 
sure needs something." So he gave 
the woman a half dollar and wrote on 
the subscription blank, "To the end in 
view, 60c" 



LEGS 

Legs to the right of us. 
Legs to the left of us. 
Legs In front of us. 
How they display them! 
On they go trippingly. 
Dainty and skippingly. 
Frost that bites nipplngly, 
Does not dismay them. 

Straight legs and bandy ones. 
Bum legs and dandy ones. 
Awkward and handy ones 
Flirt with the breeze; 
Round legs and flatter ones, 
Thin legs and fatter ones, 
Especially the latter ones. 
Showing their knees. 

Knock-kneed and bony ones, 
Real legs and phony ones. 
Silk-covered and tony ones. 
Second to none. 
Straight and distorted ones, 
Mates and ill-sorted ones. 
Home and imported ones, 
"Ain't we got fun?" 

— Exchange. 



GLOOM 



What kind of punch has the most 
kick In It? 
Ana. — "White Mule." 



-OLOOM- 



PUT AND TAKE 

An old man was walking: alone a 
road one night when he was con- 
fronted by a burly stranger. 

"What do you want?" he asked. 

"We're going' to have a game of put 
and take, old chap," replied the 
stranger. 

"Put and take!" gasped the old 
man, shivering with fright. 

"Yes." said the burly one. "You 
put yer hands up and I'll take yer 
money." 

Q LOO M 



Editor — Did you Interview Bryan as 
I told you? 

Reporter — Yes. I did. 

Ed.— Well, what did he say? 

Rep. — Nothing. 

Ed. — Well, I am aware of that, but 
how many columns will it take. 



-OLOO M- 



A few years back the Germans were 
saying, "Hock the Kaiser." Now they 
are hocking everything they have to 
pay their war losses. 

O LOO M 

MARY'S RAM 

Mary also had a little ram 
As fine as any in the land 
He butted Mary in the back 
And Mary now prefers to stand. 



-OLOOM- 



Neut Perkins says: "A flapper, by 
heck. Is a girl that carries out the 
Ideas and does the things that an old 
maid has In her head. 



MODERN KING COLE 

Old King Cole was a Merry Old 8cout 

A Merry Old Scout waa he. 
He called for his girls, he called for 
his eats. 
And then. "Turn on the Radio." 
said he. 



-OLOOM- 



Farm sign to keep stock out: 

"Notice Aforesaid. 

"if any man's or woman's ox or 
oxen gets in these here oats, off goes 
his or her tail, as the case might be. 

MILT PERKINS, 

"Constable." 



-GLOOM- 



Grass— What Is 
fruit? 



a flapper's favorite 



Hopper — That's easy. I give up. 
What is her favorite fruit? 

Grass — Dates, of course! 



-GLOOM- 



Moon — Why are newspapers, a girl's 
lips and a dill pickle so much alike? 

Shine — Because the girls like 
pickles? 

Moon — No, craay, because a news- 
paper and a girl's lips are both red. 

Shine — But where does the dill 
pickle come in? 

Moon — Well, that's where you bite. 



-GLOOM- 



If a flapper tells you her folks are 
well off you can believe It if they are 
anything like her clothes. 



-GLOOM- 



Alice — So you are a lady's maid now? 

Grace — Oh, yes. that is what they 
call me. but the mister Is a very nice 
man. 



GLOOM 



THE GHOST OF TEDDY SMILES 

Down in Kentucky Robert Baker is 
having a gay time at the age of 
•ighty-four. He has just become the 
father of his thirty-third child. The 
mother, who has eight children, is the 
seventh wife of Mr. Baker. What that 
man knows about women and family 
affairs would flll a volume or two. 



^3LOOM- 



Hush, little flapper. 

Don't you cry. 
You'll marry a sucker 

Bye and bye. — Gloom. 

Please, little flapper, 
Won't you hush? 

Tour conversation 
Makes me blush. 

— Nashville Tennessean. 

Please, little flapper. 

Don't you cry. 
You'll be an old hen 

Bye and bye. 
— Hastings Neb. Tribune. 



-GLOOM- 



Lives of rich men often remind us 
We could have more dough, by 

Heck, 
If we'd pass up get-rich-quick 

schemes — 
And hang onto what we get. 

— Hastings Neb. Tribune. 

Lives of rich men oft remind us 
Of the methods of robbers and 
yeggs. 
And while all look lovely on the sur- 
face, 
At the core are rotten and smell 
like bad eggs. 



-GLOOM- 



GET THIS LADIES 

New York barbers are installing ap- 
paratus for giving men permanent 
waves. Not radio, either. 



The bird who plays 

A saxophone 
By all means ought 

To live alone. 

— Cincinnati Enquirer. 

The luke who tweaks 

A mandolin 
Had best be out 

When I come in. 

— Akron (Ohio) Times. 

He ought to be 

Towed out to sea 
Who plays a 

Steam caliope. 
— Houston (Texas) Chronicle. 

He surely ought 

To Russia go — 
The gink who plays 

On the oboe. 

— Warren (O.) Tribune. 
And he who plays 

The bass oboe, 
To hell I know 

He sure should go. 

— Hastings, Neb. Tribune. 

In my opinion any bird 
Who plays on wind or string 

Has had hell enough here on earth. 
And hereafter should with angels 
sing. 



-GLOOM- 



Lamp — Let's go and get lit up. 
Match— What on? 
Lamp — Wood alcohol! 

GLOOM 



Customer — Here, artist, let me have 
this picture of the cat and dog. 

Artist — But that is not finished. 
The cat has too mean a look. 

Customer — That's Just why I want 
It. It resembles my mother-in-law. 

G LOO M 



Boys! When you choose a wife Just 
remember that although all cats purr, 
they also have claws, and that hid- 
den in the beautiful rose fragrant with 
perfume, hides the sharp thorn. 



GLOOM 



QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS 

Alice — No! dear, according to Holly- 
wood etiquette, he should not have 
touched you on the piazza. 



-GLOOM- 



What kind of a girl is Florence? 

Well, she has had a sofa in her 
apartment for three years and it is 
still good as new. 



-GLOOM- 



AT THE MODERN DANCE HALL 

Girl — I'll bet you never saw people 
dancing like this in your days. 

Old Boy — Oh, yes. I did. But they 
usually started throwing bottles at 
one another and the police raided the 
place. 

G LOO M 



Pat — Well, Moike. how did you en- 
Joy your trip to France and Italy? 

Mike — Oh, I liked it well enough, 
but there were too many foreigners. 



-GLOOM- 



George — You ask what is the best 
way to ask a flapper to dance? Well, 
George, that all depends upon the 
time, the place and the flapper. 



-GLOOM- 



A QUESTION 

My faithful old alarm clock 
Went off at break of day. 

Will the thermos bottle stopper 
If he meets her on the way? 

— Home Friend. 

This silly question about said clock 

sure makes me frown. 
For how can thermos bottle stopper 

unless she's run down? 
And if her hands are moving how can 

he do her harm? 
Then if he glances at her face she's 

sure to give alarm. 



HOW SHOCKING 

I knew a young lady in Lisle, 

Who dressed in the dar ingest stisle; 

When she walked down the street 

Then men blushed to their feet. 

For she wore little more than a smisle! 

— Home Friend. 

Another young flapper of great repute 
Went to the seashore in a bathing 

suit. 
When she came out of the water she 

was a sight 
For it clung to her form and it was 

some tight. 
And the men all exclaimed "Oh, ain't 

she cute?" 



-GLOOM- 



Judge — Well, Mose, what do you 
know about the reputation of this 
woman for truth and veracity? 

Mose — Well, Judge, I know she talk 
de truf, but as to de veracity, some 
say she does and some she doesn't. 



G LOO M 

ALL RIGHT 

The bill of fare said that "young 
fry" were "special." One of the 
traveling men turned to the pretty 
waitress and asked: "Honestly, now; 
how is the chicken?" 

"I'm all right. How are you, you 
fresh rooster?" 

G LOO M 

IN THE PARK 

Masher (taking seat beside young 
lady) — Don't you feel lonely with no 
one to talk to? 

Young Lady (haughtily) — Yes, I do, 
and it is getting worse every minute. 

G LOO M 



One man asks for sun and one for 

rain, 
And sometimes both together. 
But if you have sunshine in your 
heart 
It matters not what the weather. 



GLOOM 



Communication!, Comment!, Curiei? 

We feel quite elated over the reception that was 
accorded GLOOM NO. 1, and we Uke this means 
of thanking one and all for their good wishes and 
word* of cheer for, laying all Jokes aside, we 
would rather hare your good will than your money. 
and we want you to enjoy every Issue of GLOOM. 
As for the curses there were none and adverse 
criticism very Utile. The worst that we have heard 
of GLOOM was that the contents were something 
like another successful magaslne, but the contents 
were good at that One disgruntled party, to 
whom we presented a copy because he could not 
pay for It, said: The best thing In It was that 
Mother In Law story. I hope you will have a bet- 
tar Issue next time. We are giving away no more 
copies. 

And now oomes the Comments and Communica- 
tions. There are too many to print all, to we 
select a few at random and print a part of these 
letters to show what they say about GLOOM. 

Prof. Frank Householder of Los Angeles, the 
only scientific ntimerologtst In the world who 
knows more about words and numbers than any 
living man, and who can tell from your birth date 
and name who and Just what you are. says: By 
Golly! It's greatl It tells the truth I It hits them 
all. and they need It Why Old BUI Nye couldn't 
have done better himself. 

J. M. Near, Editor and Publisher of Quirt, who 
la a prince of a fellow and a man we would like 
to grssp by the hand, says: I congratulate you on 
the initial number and extend my sincere wish 
that you prosper. 

Jas. R. Spencer, Advertising Manager of Butte, 
Montana. Dally Post, says: I have read Gloom 
through with much pleasure and believe you will 
hare a good sale here. 

Miss B. Berry, high-class ealeswomsn. says : 
Tnu have done very welt yes. exceedingly well. 
I have loaned my copy to several and all say It Is 
good and will run close to other successful maga- 
sjtis of this kind. 



"The Golden Rule." Newspapers. Periodicals and 
Magazines; Butte Montana; Chaa. T. Lomas. 

W. C DelzelL 

"Gloom" Publishing Co., 

330 Court St. 

Los Angeles. Calif. 

Sir:— Tour letter Just received with copy of 
"Gloom No. 1" asking us to take on the agency 
here If agreeable, etc. We have given the Porcu- 
pine — It cannot be dubbed a Chipmunk— the once 
orer and congratulate the editor, and author, and 
the manager. It Is fairly clean and snappy, 
without being classed as filth. The market Is 
overburdened with nasty freaks not worth mention- 
ing here. We are willing to give "The Devil" due 
consideration If agreeable to you. As a rule we 
were and are perfectly willing In this case to give 
"The Devil*' a run for good money. 

Shoot 1 make all the noise you can. Give us the 
goods and right-of-way, we will hand them out! 

CHAS. T. LOMAS. 



Mr. Phillips. Credit Man or Sierra Paper Co.. 
Los Angeles, from whom paper U purchased to 
print Gloom, says: You have good articles In It 
snd It should go over big. 



Johnny Barter. Salesman, Sierra Paper Co.. Los 
Angeles: It's a sensible book and tells the truth. 
The girls at the office made away with my copy 
before I could read all of It. and they all en- 
Joyed It 

Dear Devil:— I found In your book Gloom more 
truth and common sense than I ever found in anv 
book or paper. Mrs, P. Lindner, Los Angeles. 
Calif. 



Space forbids us printing other Comments and 
Communications: but we Invite comments about 
our magazine. If you have any suggestions, praise 
or criticism, let us have it 



GLOOM 



B^3v^^S / 


j~^/7 ) 

l 


PET6 


THfcPLL 


$BE 


[ 
rR 





EXPERIENCES OF PETE THE PLUMBER 

True Accounts from Life by Pete Himself 



Howdy folks I Just as well introduce myself. I am Pete, 
the plumber. Began and ended my career in little old Phila- 
delphia, Pa. Some burg! believe me, and not so slow as some 
people think. Most folks think the plumber has a life of ease — 
works fifteen minutes a day and robs his customers the other 
7 hours and 45 minutes. Not so with me. The other morning 
a lady called me up and said my pipes are leaking. I said, tie 
them up with some old rage and I will be right out. Not my 
nose, you fool! I mean my water pipes. Yes, said I, patiently, 
that is what I had reference to. All right, but please hurry. 
When I arrived I found that a little boy had left a faucet run- 
ning, some paper had stopped the overflow and there was a 
quart or so of water on the floor. There was nothing to repair. 
What would you do? Well, I charged up in my ledger: 



GLOOM 



To one vile name $ 6.00 

To ignorance and carelessness in Mrs. James 10.00 

To one telephone conversation 3.00 

Did she complain? Oh yes, that kind always do that. 

My next call was for a place out in the suburbs. Hurry 
Mr. Plumber, my elbo is out of joint or something and water 
is running all over my back stoop. Hurry please. I rushed out 
in the Lizzie. The trouble was in the connection on the kitchen 
range. 

I went to work back of the stove. A maid was busy in the 
room ironing. The range was red hot and the room still hotter, 
and behind that range, oh boy I 

The joints were rusted and in that close quarters work was 
hard. I was working faithfully. When the door facing me 
on the side of the room leading to a stairway opened and in 
walked a lady, just as happily clothed as the day she was born. 
She walked unconcerned to the clothes basket oh the floor and 
picked up some garment, and said: "Mary, I haven't a clean 
thing to put on, and I must have this ironed at once." Just 
then she spied me. Well, we both stared for a minute. She 
turned red and I turned redder, and then she gasped. My 
God! I forgot all about the plumber, and made a dash for 
the stairs. When I made out the bill I charged as follows: 

To fixing elbow $5.00 

Repairs 1.00 

Credit account of elbows, knees, etc $5.50 

Balance due $0.50 

My next call was out in the swell residential district. It was 
one of those early morning calls. Connections in bath room of 
swell home were leaking. I answered the call and rang at the 



GLOOM 



door fifteen minutes afterward. The maid answered and said: 
"Go right up to the bath room and see what is the matter." 
The bath room was a large affair, with all modern plumbing. 
I was busy with tools down on the floor in one corner of the 
room when in walked a young lady, locked the door, slipped 
from her bath robe, stepped into the tub and turned on the 
shower. Then she spied me. She didn't scream and I didn't. 
Finally she said, "Well, Mr. Plumber, its my fault, its a good 
lesson and I needed it. Please forget that it happened." She 
stepped out of the tub, donned her robe and without a glance 
at me walked out of the room. That girl had sense, and that 
is what I charged her. Account of 

Miss Risk 

To repairs in bath room $8.00 

Credit horse sense 8.50 

Credit balance due Miss Risk $0.50 

Yours truly, 

PETE. 

P. S. — And they say that a plumber is a robber and has no 
sense of humor. 

G LOO M 

AT THE BEACH 

First lady: Will you look at those women in those tighf 
bathing suits? 

Second lady: Yes, isn't it awful. First the women wore 
skirts with stockings and shoes. Then they took off shoes and 
stockings and donned skirted suits like the men. Next they 
left off the skirt part and put on a "sea suit," low in neck and 
back and only legs long enough to step into. 

First lady: Yes, and all that has happened In less than a 
year. I wonder what they will wear a year from now. 



GLOOM 



'MOTHER-IN-LAW" 



Oh, you Mother-in-Law! Yes, I am back again and Just as full of 
pep as ever. I notice you have been following my instructions alright, 
for business in the divorce courts has picked up wonderfully. But 
now I want to take up the mother-in-law on the young man's side of 
the family and by the time I have educated the female side of the 
house as first class she-devils I will go after the father-in-law. 

I know you dear ladies who have a young hopeful just married to 
a sweet little girl will do most anything I ask, so to get trouble started 
go to their little cozy nest and make a remark to his young wife like 
this: "Oh! I had such beautiful wedding presents from my friends 
when I was married." And as you go over the list of her presents do 
not forget to mention that your friends gave you much better ones at 
your wedding. Then when you have your dear boy aside: "Say, don't 
you think Alice should keep the house tidier or don't you think that 
Alice should see that the windows are washed oftener?" 

Or, "I know.dear John, that Alice can not cook. Why did you ever 
marry her? You would have been so much better off at home." 

Then Invite him home often when Alice can not be there and be 
sure you have some of your young female friends present who can say 
and do pretty things so that he will begin to wonder if he really has 
not made some mistake. 

Then just as soon as you have the thought planted in his mind, 
nurse it with tender care and you will soon have a divorce in the 
family. 

Do all this in my name. 

"THE DEVIL." 
G LOO M 



A millionaire in Ohio was arrested for offering a $1,000 bill 
in a department store in payment of a small purchase. The 
employes became alarmed and telephoned the police and he 
and his pretty companion were locked up as bank robbery 
suspects. Any man crazy enough to carry about one thousand 
dollar bills as pocket change ought to be given life. He is 
subjecting 999 people out of every thousand to sudden heart 
failure. 



GLOOM 



THE ILLEGITIMATE CHILD 

The question of what to do with the child born out of lawful 
wedlock is vexing society. A new bill, to be introduced in 
California and other states, will, if it is passed, make the natural 
parents the legitimate father and mother. 

There is a surer and quicker way, but "earth folks" are as 
yet only speaking of it in whispers. It is to make every child 
the property of the state with reverence and protection for the 
mother. Civilization as practiced by you "earth folks" is rot- 
ten to the core. Seventy per cent of marriages are a failure, 
and it is getting no better fast. The situation suits me all right, 
but I am wondering what you are going to do. 
Same old friend, 

THE DEVIL. 

G LOO M 



THE WORLD'S NEED TODAY 

A little more kindness and a little less creed ; 
A little more giving and a little less greed ; 
A little more smile and a little less frown ; 
A little less kicking a man when he's down; 
A little more "we" and a little less "I"; 
A little more laugh and a little less cry; 
A little more flowers on the pathway of Life ; 
And fewer on graves at the end of the strife. 

G LOO M 

CLEVERNESS 

Jones — Tell me just what a good business man is? 

Brown — That's easy. A good business man is one who 
can buy goods from a Scotsman and sell them to a Jew — at a 
profit I" — London Answers. 



GLOOM 



THE BIG SURPRISE 

This issue would hardly be complete without a word or two 
about the reception given GLOOM, The Devil's Book, by the 
wholesale news dealers of the United States and Canada. 

GLOOM went over in Los Angeles with a BANG, and it is 
still Banging. Many of the news-stands had to re-order at least 
a dozen times, and at this writing the second edition of No. I 
is almost exhausted, making a third edition of No. 1 necessary. 

A letter from The Stanley News Service of Toronto, Canada, 
asks for the wholesale distribution for the entire Province of 
Ontario. 

The Quaker News Company, wholesale book house, says: 
Send us 500 copies of each issue ,and quote us wholesale price 
for general distribution in Philadelphia and Pennsylvania. 

The Pierce Building News Company says: Send us 1,000 
copies to distribute to local stands here in St. Louis. 

Mr. Geo. Liebst of Chicago, national distributor of maga- 
zines, orders for the entire city of Chicago and asks for a general 
distribution of nearby states. 

Orders of fifty, seventy-five, one hundred, five hundred and 
Dy the thousands coming in on every mail from cities in all parts 
of the United States leads us to believe that the news-stand cir- 
culation of GLOOM No. 2 will reach 200,000 copies. 

Every mail brings us orders for single copies and requests for 
subscription blanks. 

The editor and manager take this means of thanking one and 
all for the assistance and good will of those who helped us put 
it over. 

We feel especially elated over the reception of GLOOM at a 



GLOOM 



time when magazines all over the country are suspending publi- 
cation. 

Now, if our readers like GLOOM and wish to see it grow 
and prosper, we will appreciate your suggestions and comments. 
But, best of all, tell your friends about it. 

We thank you. 

THE GLOOM PUBLISHING COMPANY. 

G LOO M 

MISS CALIFORNIA EXTENDS 
AN INVITATION 

Come, gentle tourist, come. 
To the land of flowers and sun. 
Where the ladies are demurest. 
And the days are full of fun ; 
Where the winter time is summer, 
And the summer's just the same, 
And prosperity's a hummer, 
'Mid the bright poinsettia's flame. 
Here you run whene'er you walk. 
Here you rhyme whene'er you talk. 
And here your fortunes never balk. 
My, but you'll be glad you came. 

— SKITTY FLAPPER. 

G LOO M 

It is said that "Knowledge is Power," but if the world had 
to depend upon the knowledge gained by the investigations of 
Congress the people would be ignorant and weak indeed. 
G LOO M 

You cannot always tell where women stand, but it's a safe bet 
you can tell when they lie. 



GLOOM 



MY POSITION 

To retain my position as the master in the realms of darkness, 
I have attained unto all wisdom. I have all power on the side 
of disintegration. What men build up by their wonderful wis- 
dom to free from slavery the down-trodden, I raise an imp 
from the depths to confiscate and control, so that the light of 
heaven may not yet be allowed to shine upon those who have 
served me so long and faithfully. 1 point the way of Death; 
1 point the way of disappointed hopes and fears. I am the 
inspiration of the opposite of good, yet there is no good aside 
from which is builded into life by overcoming my opposition. 
When I am overcome in any of my nefarious schemes, a great 
awakening takes place and the gates of paradise swing ajar to 
let those pass who have won the victory. When the laws of 
life that enable men to live forever are discovered I destroy 
that one who has exposed this great principle of alchemy to the 
world and cause the world to reject this philosophy. I destroy 
everything. It is my business to see that the laws of Nature are 
put into force and held in equilibrium. I opposite all construc- 
tion and finally win the victory for a time in placing all matter 
beyond human analysis. I hold in my possession all things that 
have faded away, and yet I cannot hold forever that that is not, 
for verily it cometh back to remanifest and I suffer it to thrive 
and wax strong for a season, but ever and anon I gain the upper 
hand and destroy its very seeming again so endlessly that the 
turmoil of human thought has not reached even a faint under- 
standing of the laws that God and I alone know how to keep 
working shuttle-cock-like in weaving and raveling the skein of 
endless life. 

HIS SATANIC MAJESTY. 



-GLOOM- 



Because a girl takes her calves to market it is no sign her 
stock (ings) are for sale. 



GLOOM 



PITHY "POMES" 

THE VAMP 

Montgomery was an actor who loved to vamp the girls; 

He was rather short on morals, but very long on curls. 

They used to write him mash-notes which he read aloud 

To fellow Pork and Beaners who composed his crowd. 

Monty answered some notes when his fancy so dictated, 

The resulting sobby stories are much better unrelated. 

Mrs. Sarah Pringle Ryebeck, the sout "Y" secretary, 

Got one of Monty's notes addressed to her daughter Carrie. 

She kept the assignation in the Purleus of the Park 

And met the bold Montgomery shortly after dark. 

The doctor and the ambulance, which hastened to the scene, 

Gathered shattered Monty from off the village green. 

Monty learned a lesson at considerable expense. 

Carrie, in a convent, is learning common sense. 

The moral for all actors (if they have a moral spark) 

It: Don't meet your fair admirers after it is dark. 

G LOO M 



BEEN THERE BEFORE 

Little Frances returned unusually early from school the other 
day. When she arrived home, she found the door locked and 
the window shades drawn. She rang the bell. No answer. 
She rang again. Still no answer. A third time she pressed the 
button long and hard. Nobody came to the door, so she went 
to a window and pressed her little pink nose against the pane, 
and in a shrill voice that all the neighbors could hear called: 
"It's all right mama, it's only me." 



-GLOOM- 



This bird is keen for geography. Eagle, Reading Pennsyl- 
vania. 



GLOOM 



ON GETTING A HEARING 

The man with a grievance is a nuisance. The man with a 
plan is welcome. 

Grievances annoy other people, but fail to interest them. 
The tone of voice has a faint wail in it. 

Some public reformers make the same mistake as the man 
with a grievance. The faults they point out are worth noting. 
The men they snipe are fair game. The failure of these earnest 
critics lies in the unfailing gloom they carry and spread. 

They leave all the good tunes to the sinners. They get no 
fun out of their fights. 

We do not need a prophet to tell us that some of the condi- 
tions of life are sour and hard. 

Human affairs are more of a quick lunch than a banquet. 

This earth is an imperfect sphere, slightly flattened at the 
poles. And in celestial terms it is a third-rate planet, at best. 

But we are on it and cannot get off it. We are in it and can- 
not get out of it. 

In suggesting amendments to the common lot, there is needed 
a genial and hearty note. 

Best of all, let the reformers bring a plan instead of a griev- 
ance. — Los Angeles Examiner. 

The above writer has, no doubt, heard that a guy by the 
name of Socrates got a hearing and the public poisoned him. 
Jesus Christ got a hearing and they nailed him to a cross. John 
Brown got a hearing and they hung him. Eugene Debs got a 
hearing and they jailed him. Wilshire got a hearing, but the 
public made it impossible to remain in the United States. 
Plans! Ye Gods, friend, the woods are full of men and women 
with plans that would tend to make conditions better, but no 
matter whether he be a carpenter, a hod carrier or a congress- 






GLOOM 



man, if he advocates anything new in the way of plans, accord- 
ing to the public idea he is crazy. I am indeed surprised to see 
such an article published in a paper like The Examiner. 

G LOO M 



LAVA FROM THE HOT BOX 
By A. A. Stafford 

Most people that holler loudest for justice would be absent 
a long time if they got it. 

Just as soon as the average man gets done sowing his wild 
oats, he starts a reform movement. 

Knots, either remind you of seasickness or the "cure" at 
Reno. 

Fishing will soon be a lost art, unless a fish-bait is invented 
that will not kill the fisher before he has time to get a bite. 

Most every man likes the clinging "vine" type of woman, 
but he don't care for the kind of "vines" that bear sour grapes. 

The Orpheum Circuit advertises a lady harpist. Imagine a 
married man paying a couple of bucks to get to hear a lady 
harp) 

G LOO M 

Maud — Harold, what is this dark hair doing on your coat? 
Harold — Oh, that is a coat I wore last winter before you 
started using peroxide. 

G LOO M 

$25.00 JOKE PRIZE 

Twenty-five dollars will be paid for the best joke submitted, 
using the following suggestions: 
"An old maid's delimma." 
"A bachelor girl's revenge." 



GLOOM 



THE BULL'S FAMILY AFFAIRS 

Here's a good one that's being passed around by Ed Howe, 
the Kansas country-town editor: 

A farmer and his wife were out milking. The farmer was 
busy doing the evening chores, and his wife was milking a cow. 
Suddenly, a huge bull started for them. The farmer promptly 
jumped the fence, and yelled to his wife to run. But calmly 
she went on milking. The bull charged up within a few feet of 
the woman, stopped, looked at her, and then, moving away. 
began nibbling grass. The farmer came back and said to his 
wife: 

"Why didn't you run? Wasn't you afraid? 

She replied she was not. 

"Why?" the farmer asked, in astonishment. 

"Because," his wife replied, as she proceeded with her work, 
"I was milking the bull's mother-in-law." — Gage Readings. 



-GLOOM- 



A PERFECT PILL 

Donald was a doctor who perfected a patent pill 

For making everybody happy and curing every ill. 

The success of Dr. Donald really was immense, 

The public bought his pills, he was never short of pence. 

But alast a skeptic blew into our happy town one day. 

He tested Dr. Donald's pills: Swore they were made of clay. 

Dr. Donald sued him, the public took his side. 

The excitement grew intense when the case was tried. 

The skeptic proved his theory, but his case went on the bum 

When Dr. Donald stated, "The clay contains RAD-I-UM." 

The judge and all the jury pricked up their twitching ears; 

Swallowed Donald's story, and gave the skeptic seven years. 

The moral of this story is: The public swallow any junk, 

But never cross a doctor who is peddling the bunk. 



GLOOM 



"EVOLUTION" 

By Bessie Ball Mays in Psychonumero 

On, on, forever we grow and grow, 

It began ages and ages ago; 

Two little atoms in space. 

Incomplete was each in its way, 

Only pieces of atoms were they. 

All things are made to be whole. 

Atoms of life have a soul; 

With longing and throbbing and striving, 

Onward and upward they're driving. 

Forever and ever they're striving, 

Striving for some great goal. 

But one can't go alone forever, 
An incomplete atom would sever, 
Would crash and fall in its weakness; 
All such are lost in the darkness. 

But may we not beg from a fall. 
And claim it as ours and our own, 
Because through our lives we have grown, 
Because we have trusted with faith. 
Because we knew it was safe, 
To tread the path shown without dread. 
Though we saw no farther ahead, 
Than just where we stood we did know, 
That a soul strong in faith could but grow. 



GLOOM 



Something in Nature sublime, 
We call it love if we rhyme, 
Keeps struggling forever and ever, 
In bringing soulmates together. 

So in the course of our wanderings. 
When two souls seem to melt into one, 
Oh why do we question with Nature, 
And why do we quarrel with Life, 
And why not accept what is given. 
And why mingle joy with strife; 
And what does the world's thinking matter. 
Conventions are petty, infernal, 
Mere echoes of what men don't know, 
Which constantly change as men grow. 
But the laws of life and of living, 
Began at the very beginning, 
And how can obeying be sinning, 
Obeying the great laws of living. 
G LOO M 

FATE 

Who knows fate who ne'er hangs her head in shame. 
But at her call men in the heat of battle fall, 
Or a home is wrecked or a ship of state. 
A powerful force is this called fate. 

We wonder why and what her power. 
For oft as the night begins to lower 
A blinding flash of lightning brings 
The power of fate with golden wings. 

Then with destruction far and wide 

The golden flames on high winds ride. 

Just what or where and when or why no one as yet can state. 

All we know is that it is sure, this powerful force called fate. 



GLOOM 



THE I. O. O. I. 

An organization to be known as the "International Order of 
Imps," admitting "Good Fellows," both ladies and gents, is 
under way. Chicago and other cities are planning organization 
work. The order's purpose is to promote good fellowship 
without secrecy. GLOOM will be the official organ of the 
order, and in the next issue we will print full particulars regard- 
ing the organization. If you are interested in joining the order 
or organizing a lodge in your town, you may write to 

IMP No. 1 . Secretary of I. O. O. I. 

Care of GLOOM PUBLISHING COMPANY 

230 Court Street Los Angeles, Calif. 

G LOO M 



Lady Astor, as a foreword to her address in Chicago, said: 
"1 am not much of a talker, but I can preach like hell." It is a 
good thing for the churches that preachers don't do likewise. 
The churches would not hold the people. People love to hear 
things when presented to them in a language they understand. 
Lady Astor may be English, but she sure talks United States. 



-GLOOM- 



THE MAIN QUESTION 

He (hopelessly) — Refuse me, and I shall never love another. 
She (practically) — I'm more interested in wondering if you'll 
ever love another if I accept you. — London Answers. 



-MOOT D- 



I believe, said the philosopher, that the things you give away 
in life come back to you. 

I agree with you, said Jiggs. I gave my wife a set of china- 
ware for Christmas and last night when I came home late she 
handed them all to me, one by one, and my head is still sore. 



GLOOM 



"LOOKERS ON" 

By Morris M. Waggoner 
In crowded streets, in crowded lanes, 
From out the doors and window panes, 
With open eyes, they gaze anon 
These lookers on, these lookers on. 

And what they see, and what they view 
Is only you, and you, and you, 
But in their minds, such sordid things. 
Life's naked picture to them brings. 

So what care we, with soul so free, 
As passing by, with hearts of glee. 
We shout and roar, and smile upon 
These lookers on, these lookers on. 

(Copyright 1921 under Batchelor Buttons) 
Q LOO M 

PREFERENCES 

We know a man who is an honest crook. That is, he is a 
crook and frankly proud of it. As a crook he rather excels. 
He invents crooked things, while others follow the ruts. But 
the point is, he is a crook, says so himself and does not blush. 
We also know a deacon who plays poker on Thursday, geta 
drunk on Friday, bawls out his family on Saturday and goes to 
church three times on Sunday. Between the two, we have our 
choice. — Richmond Times-Dispatch. 

Verily! Verily! Brother we too have our choice. 

G LOO M 

SLIPPER TO ME 'KID' 

Slipper, white kid; lost about week ago. Reward. Address 
802746-K. 



GLOOM 



Glo 



om 



Cha 



sers 



CLASSIFIED ADS 



The classified advertising rate for GLOOM Is based on a circulation of 100.000 copies, although 
trc frill very likely give double that amount. All ads are set in 6 point 12 ems wide. Rates are 
10c per word per Issue. Cash with Order. Display rates, $14.00 per single column Inch 12 ems wide. 
No discounts for time space or cash. Address all orders and make drafts and money orders pay- 
able to 

GLOOM PUBLISHING COMPANY 
230 Court Street Los Angeles, California 



Real Estate 


OKLAHOMA MF.XIA OIL AND GAS COMPANY 
pay four per cent monthly dividends. Share 10c; 
par 10. Five producing wells and a twenty-two 
million foot, by actual test, gas well now being 
vonnccted with gas company. 
Write for Information. 
Better make reservations same time. 
C. W. Wn-SON. Harrison Everton Blvd.. 
Wichita Falls. Texas 


TREASURE ISLAND FOR SALE 
The most unique place In Florida, practically 
frost-proof. About seven thousand citrus trees. In 
grove form, some bearing.. Ideal place for grow- 
ing winter vegetables. Rest bass Ashing, boating. 
swimming and bunting. One bungalow, three cot- 
tages, two deep-flowing four-inch wells. An ex- 
ceptional spot for private home, colony or hotel. 






Theie are ten thousand people who want this 
property. It is Just a question of finding out one 
of the ten thousand. The other nine thousand 
nine hundred and ninety-nine will be sorry that 
they were not found. Send for circular. E. 11. 
MOTE. Owner. Leesburg, Fla. 


JOIN successful Oil Pool, monthly dividends; 
trade your non-dividend paying stock, Fred A. 
Mtromhvck. 2303 5th Are., Mollne, IR. 
Mention GIXK)M 


Financial 


Mention GI-OOM 




FOR SALE— Two houses on one lot. six rooms. 
In front newly painted In and out. hardwood 
floors. Built for a home. Three rooms In rear 
rents for $35 month. If you want a real home 
and Income, see this. Both houses beautifully 
furnished. 443 South Mathews Street, Los An- 
geles Calif. 


The undersigned will Introduce your financing 
rhrongh private channels of the higher order, by 
]>ersonal Interview. If you need capital to de- 
\ elop. 

SPECIAL SERVICE." Los Angeles. California 
Mention GLOOM 


The writer is seeking some high-class invest- 
ments involving from $100,000 to $5,000,000. Only 


Mention GLOOM 


FOR SALE— Garage and store huildtiiK. flats 
above, lot S0xl35 on corner In thickly si'ttled part 
of city. Good Income property. $0000 will handle. 


propositions of real merit considered, and would 
prefer to deal direct with owner. Address B. L., 
•ire GLOOM. 


!.. C. Kiggina, 2407 E. Fourth 8treet, Los An- 
geles. Calif. 

Mention GLOOM 


Mention GLOOM 


Mlseelleanous 


I want to hear from people who have milling 
claims, oil lands, patents or other proposition oi 
merit to promote. Address B. W.. care GLOOM. 
Mention GLOOM 


WHAT DO YOU WANT? 
WHERE CAN 1 FIND ITT 

We teR you where to buy or seU anything from 


Investments 


toys to real estate, or furnish you Information of 
^ny kind for 25c per question. Special Service. 
Los Angeles. Calif. 


FORTUNES NOW BEING MADE 


Mention GLOOM 


In OIL. GOLD, SILVER, and other mineral!) in 
the Great West. Exceptional opportunities. "SPE- 
CIAL SERVICE." Los Angeles, Calif. 


Have several Money- Making Plans and Ideas for 
'ale. or wUl trade for userul articles. SPECIAL 
SERVICE. Los Angeles. Calif. 


Mention GLOOM 


Mention GLOOM 



GLOOM 



Those who have not read Gloom No. 1 should 
do so at once. 25c at all News Stands, or send 
direct to Publishers for copy. The Contents or 
No. 1 are as follows: 

Partial Contents of GLOOM Book No. I 
(Published by "The Devil") 

1. The Devil's Editorial and the Soldier Bonus. 

2. Bryan, Darwin. Apes and Hell. 

3. My Plan of Prohibition. 

4. Kill the Old Folki and Babies. 

5. The "Superior Woman. 

C. Preachers vs. Virtuous Wives. 

7. "8parks of Brimstone." 

8. Poems. Hot Shots, Wltlcisms, Fun and Other 
Drivel. 

0. Special Page for "Mother -In -Laws." 
10. Mere Man and Mere Maid. Etc. Etc, which 
is probably the best part of it. 

— Have a Laugh with "The Devil" — 

Address all orders to GLOOM PUBLISHING 
COMPANY, 230 Court St.. Los Angeles. Calif. 



-Mention GLOOM- 



$4.00 Reduction 
The World's Greatest Numerologlst will for a 
abort time give readers of Gloom a regular $5.00 
Heading or Numberscope for $1.00. based on the 
true science of numbers. "Figures Do Not Lie." 
Send name, birth dates, residence, and $1.00 to 
Prof.FKANCES E. HOUSEHOLDER, Bornlce 
Aim.. Long Beach, Calif. 



-Mention GLOOM- 



Seud 00c for a year's subscription to "Messenger 
of Light." monthly occult and spiritist magazine, 
published by Mrs. Margaret Scott Marshall, Box 
83, Culver City, Calif. Sample copies. 5c 



-Mention GI.OOM- 



Back Numbers of GLOOM can always be had at 
25o per Copy by writing direct to GLOOM PUB- 
LISHING COMPANY. 230 Court St.. Los Angeles, 
Calif. 



Personal 



MARRIAGE CLUB.— Catholics only: Contlden- 
tlal. Information sent. M. Mansell. Oakland 
Station. Pittsburgh. Pa. 



— Mention GLOOM- 



WANTED — People In every city and town to 

represent us. Pleasant, profitable work. GLOOM 

PUBLISHING CO.. 230 Court St.. Los Angeles. 
Calif. 



UOOBOUE WIDOW. OWNS GOOD FARM 

and has means. Wishes to correspond with view 
to matrimony. Mrs. Campbell, Box 94, Los An- 
geles, Calif. 



-Mention Gl<OO.M- 



MAltltY IF LONELY: most successful "Home 
Maker"; hundreds rich; strictly confidential ; re- 
liable; years experience; description free. "The 
Successful Club", Mrs. NASH. Box 556, OAK- 
LAND, CALIFORNIA. 



-Mention GLOOM- 



SEMI-NUDE =: 

HOLLYWOOD'S FILMLAND— RICH, RARE 
and RACY. $1.00 a Dozen Assorted. A Live, 
Breezy, Snappy Catalogue FREE with each 
order. Sent ' Sealed in Plain Wrapper" For 
"Men Only" GARDNER, Movie Cameraman, 
237 So. Flower St. Los Angeles, California. 



-.Mention GLOOM- 



-Mention QLOOM- 



WILL RADIUM AT LAST 
OPEN THE DOOR OF 
THE GREAT UNKNOWN? 

If you are sick and want to Get Well and Keep 
Well, write for literature that tells How and 
Why this almost unknown and wonderful new ele- 
ment brings relief to so many sufferers from Con- 
stipation, Kheumatlsm. Sciatica, Gout, Neuritis. 
Neuralgia. Nervous Prostration, High Blood Press- 
ure and diseases of the Stomach, Heart. Lungs, 
Liver, Kidneys and other ailments. You wear 
Degnen's Kadlo-Actlve Solar Pad day and night, 
receiving the Radio-Active Rays continuously Into 
your system, causing a healthy circulation, over- 
coming sluggishness, throwing off impurities and 
restoring the tissues and nerves to a normal con- 
dition — and the next thing you know you aid 
getting well. 

Sold on a test proposition. You are thoroughly 
satisfied it Is helping you before the appliance Is 
yours. Nothing to do but wear it. No. trouble 
or expense, and the most wonderful fact about the 
appliance is that It Is sold so reasonable that it is 
within the reach of all, both rich and poor. 

No matter how bad your ailment, or how long 
standing, we will be pleased to have you try It at 
our risk. For full Information write today— not 
tomorrow. Radium Appliance Co., 602 Bradbury 
Bldg.. Los Angeles, Calif. 



-Mention GLOOM- 



The "ROUGES" Gallery 

An invitation is extended to artists, authors, singers, actors, 
chorus girls, models, moving picture people, wrestlers, prize 
fighters, baseball players, athletes, or any one making a pro- 
fession of entertaining the public, to send in clear photographs 
for publication in future issues of GLOOM. Would appreciate 
it if you would write on the back of each photograph in your 
own handwriting. Your signature, residence, telephone num- 
ber and association at present time. This information is re- 
quested for your benefit if you care to take advantage of it. 
Address all packages to "The Devil," Gloom Publishing Co., 
Los Angeles, Cal. 



-QLOOM- 



Oh mother, may I go out to swim, 

Oh yes, my darling daughter — 
Put on your one-piece bathing suit 

And don't go near the water. 
a loo m 

A PRAYER 

Oh, that I might live so that I may receive the kindness and 
blessings of the world as a babe receives the attention of a fond 
mother. That I may give as well as receive. That such gifts 
would create in me a personality that would inspire those about 
me to say kind words and do good deeds. Would that I had 
the voice like the babbling brook that I might croon the multi- 
tudes from restlessness to a peaceful repose. That I could write 
words of fire that would burn their way into the hearts of hu- 
manity and leave there a longing for true fellowship with a de- 
sire for Love, Truth and Justice, with peace and happiness here 
and hereafter for all people. 



$5,000 IN PRIZES 



Beginning with Gloom No. 3 we will give away $500.00 
each month for a period of TEN months to writers of Jokes 
and Stories. 

Jokes must be Full of pep and kick. Jokes must not exceed 
1 00 words in length. 

Stories should be full of wit and humor and not over 1 000 
words in length. Make them snappy. For such we will pay 
as follows: 

STORIES JOKES 

Best story $200.00 Best joke $50.00 

2nd best story 100.00 2nd best joke 25.00 

3rd best story 75.00 3rd best joke 15.00 

4th best story 25.00 4th best joke 10.00 

All Stories and Jokes must be along the line of those now 
published in GLOOM. Participants may submit both Jokes 
and Stories. 

Watch for book No. 3 and see if your story or joke appears 
as one of the prize winners. 

We will also consider for publication Poems and Articles 
similar to those now published in GLOOM which will be paid 
for at regular rates. Such articles must be full of wit, humor 
and originality. 

We reserve the right to publish any prize joke or story if of 
merit, whether it wins a prize or not. 

Address all manuscripts to 

Editor 

GLOOM PUBLISHING CO. 

230 Court St., Los Angeles, Cal. 



Price 25 Cents Per Copy